Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Enjoying Worship

Phil's note: This was kindly published here, with some additions and alterations. Check it out for a version I'm happier with, but still not really complete!

At music rehearsal on Monday night, we had quite a discussion about what our expectations were when we come to play at a service. It was an interesting exchange of ideas. Concurrently, and totally unrelated, another interesting discussion has been going on in ChurchBass about Performance vs Worship. (I need to read more of that thread!) Here are a few ideas.

Worship is not about you. It's about God.
How many times have you said, or heard said, "I got a lot of the worship today", or "The worship didn't feel that great today"? Sorry, but that's entirely the wrong attitude! Worship is for God - to proclaim Him as God. Its not about getting a nice, warm fuzzy feeling. Its about putting God in his rightful place, regardless of how we feel about it.

Sometime I think that we expect the order of events to be:

Worship -> Good Feelings -> Presence of God
That is, if through our worship we get good feelings, and deduce that we have sensed the presence of God. I think this is the wrong way around. What is the purpose of worship? To raise up another, not yourself. Do you cheer on a football team to feel good about yourself, or to encourage and raise up the team? So:
Worship -> Presence of God -> Good Feelings
That is, our worship should remind us and instill in us the presence of God, out of which flow the good feelings.

Compare this with James' theology of faith and works.
NOT: works-> salvation -> faith
BUT: faith -> salvation -> works
By our faith in Christ we are saved. God himself came to us. It is out of our salvation that good works come. The works are our response to God, they do not justify us to God.

So I think it is with worship. The goal of worship shouldn't be the nice feelings, it should be putting God in His rightful place. However, out of that adoration of God good feelings may come. But if they don't, that's ok, because our feelings are not what worship is all about. We are secondary. God must be put in his rightful place.

This has a couple of ramifications:

Worship is not just music!
This first point is very important. Anything that puts God in his rightful place in our lives is worship. So often we've (I've!) restricted the idea of worship to just music, or even a particular style of music. But if worship is about God, then its more than what we do, or how we do what we do.

Style becomes irrelevant, and may even be an hindrance!
Me, I'm a jazz / funk man, myself. I get great enjoyment through playing and listening to that kind of music. Worshipping through that style is great fun for me. However, in doing so, I can actually focus more on the music, and less God. Hence, my worship becomes of the music - not God. Any music, or dance, or reading, or anything, that puts God above all, where He belongs, is worship.

Worship is much more varied than I have ever experienced!
The last point I want to make is this: Any way that I can put God first in my life is worship. It doesn't have to be singing. It doesn't have to be in a Church, or in a service, or even amongst other believers. I can worship God by remembering His attributes whilst driving. I can worship by evaluating a sitcom on TV, and reflecting on how it matches up with His plan for my life. I can worship by stopping writing in my blog, and getting back to doing some work!

Explore different ways of worship, and let me know how you get on.
pk

Monday, February 21, 2005

Goals: Scriptures 3 of 12

Worship: You were planned for God's Pleasure

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all you mind and with all your strength.

Mark 12: 30

(This is the second of the memory verses from the 40 Days.)

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

The Vicious Circle - a new ending

Over at InFuze they've run a competition to provide a new ending to Matt Bronleewe's story, The Vicious Circle. Here is my new ending to the story. Its not as polished as I would've liked, but it will do. I guess this counts as my first piece of fiction for the year. Yay! Warning: its not particuarly "Christian". In fcat, you could see it as a tradgedy, of sorts. And it kind of makes fun of the whole pulp fiction genre. There are some seriously corny lines in there!

Really, you should go on to InFuze, and sign up. Its free, and is a wonderful mix of arts: interviews, reviews, writing, poetry, art. The only thing its missing is a music section! ;-) (Then again, I might be biased...)

Hank looked away. “Sid.”

“Hank”, said Sid, spitting out the word. His anger burned within his overcoat. “How could you, Hank? I’m your life. You can’t throw me away.”

“Sid, this isn’t the time...”

“Oh yes it is Hank. You and your precious Circle are all here.” Sid looked around the group. “Thirteen isn’t so lucky, is it?”

F.R. smiled charmingly. “Well now gentlemen, I’m sure we can sort this out later. Tell us about yourself, Sid. Something perhaps, we don’t already know?”

“Alright, old man.” Sid twirled around as he spoke, ensuring he was the centre of attention. “But let’s start with what you do know. Sid Little: investigator gone bad; loner; thief; murderer. Murdered. What don’t you know? You don’t know what’s next, do you?”

For once the group was silent. Hank moved cautiously to P.R.’s side, leaving Sid alone. He turned to B.Z.

“Let’s see, how did you kill me?” B.Z. cowered like a bad theory exposed for its flaws. “I remember: electrocution! ‘Quick and painless’ you called it. Don’t be so sure, B.Z!” In one smooth action, as he had performed before to Hank’s amusement, Sid shoved a taser at his throat. B.Z. lurched forward, arching his back, and slumped down lifelessly.

Those beside B.Z. jumped out of their seats in shock. I.L. rushed to his side, hoping something could be done for him. P.R. began to softly whimper.

Sid moved his attention to T.L. “And you T.L.? Let me tell you hanging is not quick, and not painless, and not a very nice way to kill. Even the hardened criminal you made of me.” He moved to H.P. “Flattened by an anvil? Surely H.P., you could come up with something more original!”

One by one Sid reminded them of their murderous methods. Steamroller. Train wreck. Car crash. Finally he came to P.R. His hands moved to the coat’s deep pockets.

“Ah, P.R! A bullet to the heart.” He stepped back to the centre, keeping his gaze firmly on her. “Let’s see what you think!” He pulled a revolver from his pocket and fired cleanly at her. P.R. grasped her chest and her heroine within swooned, falling gracefully to the floor. Hank gently cradled her to the floor, but the fire in his eyes leapt at Sid, who staggered in the circle’s center. P.R and B.Z.’s deaths were clearly affecting him. Hank’s body followed his eyes, and another shot echoed amongst the tomes. Hank fell, bleeding from his stomach.

Sid ran to the shelves, hiding himself again amongst the pages. C.K. and T.H. pursued, but the long, dimly lit aisles were easy to hide in. Returning to B.Z.’s body they silently comforted one another, cherishing the experience for literary advantage.

“Sid,” cried Hank. “Get out here! This is no way to behave. I know you. I wrote you! You’re no coward.”

From behind the group gathered around B.Z. came a slow creaking, and the eventual cascade of wood and books. Panting, Sid stepped out of the dust, kicking away hardbacks. Beneath a pile of “Who’s Who”’s, and “Literary Journal”’s, lay I.L., T.L., T.H., C.K. and H.P. – flattened like a pancake. The weight of their success had finally proved too much. Surveying the bodies Sid faltered, each death making him frailer.

P.K. rose from attending to Hank and P.R. “This has gone far enough, Sid.” He ran towards him, and Sid retreated once more to the library’s obscurity. P.K. lunged and managed to grab his coattails. Blow after blow fell as they struggled for control, but P.K. was no match for his younger opponent, despite his apparent exhaustion. Sid picked him up and shoved him through the window, into empty space.

F.R tried hopelessly to alert security. He turned to Sid, hoping to bluff him. “I’ve contacted the police, Sid,” he said, holding his mobile aloft, “There’s no way out now. And,” he added thoughtfully, “We’ll profit from this experience. You’re every writers dream!”

“Consider this your nightmare!” Sid staggered towards him. Grabbing one of the empty chairs, he broke it across the old man. F.R. crumpled like a fresh rejection slip.

Sid fell too, and his gaze fixed firmly on his author – the first and final.

“What’s happening to you, Sid? You’re fading. I can’t see you real well. You’re barely an outline!”

Sid looked down at himself. Each of his writer’s deaths sapped something from him. Still, he was resolved to finish what he came for. What he had written himself into those other, pitiful scripts for. If Hank wanted nothing more to do with him, then he would have no more of Hank. He would not be a minor player in some other plot!

Sid let out a scream of rage, and pummeled into Hank. Blow after blow fell. Finally, when he could issue no more, he fell to Hank’s side.

“Why, Sid? You’re just a character, no more.” Hank slurred. Blood trickled from his mouth.

“I am more.” Sid protested, “I’ve got to be more.”

“Sometimes Sid, you’ve got to let go of the past.” Hank slumped, leaving his last breath behind.

And Sid vanished. The Vicious Circle was closed.

The Vicious Circle

Over at InFuze they've run a competition to provide a new ending to Matt Bronleewe's story, The Vicious Circle. He has gracioulsy given me permission to repost the original story here. My new ending is in the next post (above, given Blogger's ordering!) Enjoy.

Really, you should go on to InFuze, and sign up. Its free, and is a wonderful mix of arts: interviews, reviews, writing, poetry, art. The only thing its missing is a music section! ;-) (Then again, I might be biased...)

"Everyone," said F.R. Tillenbaum, chairman of the Vicious Circle, New York City's most notable collection of fiction writers, "I'm happy to announce we have a new member."

A man stood, his red flannel shirt standing in sharp contrast to the wash of autumnal browns and grays of the other twelve people in the room. "My name is Hank Henegarde," he said, scrubbing the spit from his glasses with his fingers and the tip of his untucked shirt. "I'm from Montana. And I'm very excited to be here."

"What's your pseudonym?" asked P.R. Remmington, a sullen, young wisp of a girl that had just managed to land the Man Booker Prize for her debut novel: All's the Trouble that's Trouble with Trouble.

"I'm sorry, miss, do you mean a pen name?"

"Yes."

"I don't use one. I want people to know that it's me, that I'm a normal person, just like them."

"Well, you're going to want one now," said P.R., gazing at her colleagues for support. They nodded, concurred. "Manhattan is best enjoyed under the gauze of anonymity," she concluded. The Circle smiled in unison, hundreds of teeth glowing white in the dimness of the SoHo coffeehouse they had abducted for the evening.

F.R. rushed to Hank's aid, not wanting their newest and biggest-selling author to leave after only his first night. "There, there, P.R. I doubt we need to give advice to Hank. After all, his last ten novels have collectively sold over twenty million copies." He turned to Hank. "Is that right? Twenty million? Good golly, man! Why bother coming to New York? You could have built your own city right there in Montana!"

Hank took his seat again, hoping the initiation would end soon. "I'm here because I want to take my career in a new direction. I'm writing the eleventh and final book in my series, and... " he trailed off, a tension-artist at work.

"And what?" asked T.L. Blakely, a stately chap whose love for Sir Arthur Conan Doyle had influence both his writing and his fanciful, if anachronistic, attire.

"And..." Hank held the note like a soprano. "I'm killing Sid Little."

Everyone gasped.

"You can't possibly mean that," said P.R., masking her glee in having a front row seat to Hank's career destruction. "I've never read one of your thrillers," she said, giving the word 'thrillers' as much disdain as she could muster. "But even I have heard of Sid Little. You know that killing him off is suicide, right?"

Hank felt for a minute that P.R. was actually beginning to like him. "Yes," he said. "It's exactly that. It's my way out. Sid dies and I'm done. El finito. Off to greener pastures."

A shaved-head Philip K. Dick apostle named P.K. Richards leaned forward into the light. "Does this 'greener pasture' have a name?" he asked.

Hank unbuttoned his shirtsleeve and rolled it up. There, tattooed across his bicep, were two words: AMBULANCE BREAD.

"Ambulance Bread? Is that a book title? Is that your 'greener pasture', as you put it?" postulated T.L., in a brilliant stroke of deductive reasoning, if he didn't say so himself.

"Bingo! Ambulance Bread is a complete departure from anything I've done in the past! It's not a thriller. No one gets shot or beheaded or pistol-whipped," said Hank, who held a certain penchant for doing all three in the course of a single paragraph. "There will, however, be a horse that falls out of a second-story window and breaks all of its legs," he added parenthetically.

"Well, that sounds just great, Hank!" chortled F.R., not remembering ever witnessing an author in both the glorious zenith and twilight of their career. "I bet you'll have a lot more to tell us in the months ahead. Now, on to some unfinished business from last week..."

The meeting lasted another two hours, a mixture of caffeine and apathy. Hank left after shaking everyone's hand, the expressions on their faces bearing the same likeness as the mourners at his father's funeral. He wondered on the way to his dime-sized apartment whether or not he was making the right choice to kill Sid Little. Stripping down in front of his bathroom mirror, seeing the tattoo on his arm, he realized that the choice had already been made; he simply had to follow through.

The month that followed was grueling. Sid Little stood like a barrier between Hank and the Canaan-land of Ambulance Bread. To get there, Sid had to be slaughtered, burnt like an offering. The pages of Book Eleven: Deathwish Granted! slid by at glacier speed, Hank relishing the moment when he could finally vanquish Sid from the literary world forever. And then, to his utter amazement and joy, it happened, on page 287:

Sid reached to open the door, knowing that the person waiting on the other side was THE ONE: the person responsible for ruining the last decade of his life. It could end. Tonight. Sid opened the door. "It's you!" he cried.

BANG! The shot rang out like a cannon.

Sid fell to the ground. Dead.

The typewriter felt like a dagger in Hank's hands. It was complete. The next hundred pages practically wrote themselves, a mishmash of familiar faces from the ten previous adventures, all huddled over the mounded dirt of Sid Little's grave.

Hank sat back in his chair and breathed the air of a free man. The flowing milk and honey of Ambulance Bread was close at hand. He would begin in three months, after a brief sabbatical to study up on ambulances and bread.

The next meeting of the Vicious Circle met in an inner sanctum of MoMA, home to some of the most beloved specimens of creativity in the world. The chairs -- which numbered thirteen -- were again set in-the-round, though B.Z. Quain, the group's resident fictional-science-as-social-commentary writer, reminded them it was actually a triskaidecagon.

"And thanks again for that dazzling insight, B.Z.," began F.R. "Now, why don't we begin with Hank telling us how things are going for Sid Little?"

Hank beamed. "He's dead."

The room was flooded in a lush sangria of applause and bravos: everyone was elated at the news. It was as if the very notion of the thriller novel had been extinguished in that instant, its replacement the heady tomes of oblique metalinguistics.

"So on to, what was it? Ambulance Bread?" asked P.R. coyly. She was beginning to become enamored with Hank, a man who was willing to throw everything away for the sake of higher art.

"Yes, yes, Hank. Tell us how Ambulance Bread is coming along," said P.K., rubbing his stubbled head like a man who'd just been shaved for lice.

"Oh," said Hank, sorry to disappoint, "I haven't started yet. I'm taking a short break to do some research."

"On what?" inquired T.L., who appeared to be wearing a monocle.

"On ambulances and bread, of course."

"Very funny!" said F.R., slapping Hank's leg. "Good one! Best be getting on to other things. But keep us updated, Hank."

The meeting slogged on until midnight. The MoMA nightwatchman walked them out, locking the door behind them. Hank said his goodbyes and hailed a cab. He stepped inside to disembark when B.Z. popped into view.

"Care to share the ride?"

"You're the triskaidecagon guy, right?" Hank said with a grin. "Sure. Couldn't hurt to save a few dollars."

The taxi bolted from its position, causing both men in the back seat to grab at the handles above the door.

"There's something I need to tell you," said B.Z. "It's about Sid Little."

Hank looked puzzled. "What about Sid?"

"He's... I'm not sure how to say this... he's in my book."

"I don't understand."

"Nor do I," said B.Z. "Let me backtrack: I've been working on a new story for the better part of the last five years. It's about the seminal data that spills out from distant black holes, but it's really about moral ambiguity. Anyway, my main character is a MIT grad named Bob Zamber."

"I'm guessing that's what B.Z. stands for?"

"No. The B.Z. doesn't stand for anything."

"Really?"

"Really. But here's the problem," said B.Z., "this morning when I turned on my computer to do some revising, my story had a new chapter. With Sid."

"And you didn't write it?" Hank asked, already mentally dialing the number for his attorney. "Sid Little is my intellectual property, you know."

"Yes! Of course I know!" B.Z. said, becoming quite animated. "It gets worse. Sid wasn't as nice as he was in your novels."

"You've read my novels?"

"Everyone in the group has. Though they would never admit it," B.Z. said, flushed. "Hank, listen to me. Sid did something very bad in my book."

"What?"

"He killed my main character. He killed Bob Zamber."

Hank leaned up through the plastic barrier running through the middle of the taxi. "This is my stop," he told the cabbie. He settled back into the seat, gathering his things. "B.Z., I'm not like the rest of you guys. I'm plainspoken. Normal. I say it how it is. So, if you want Sid to be in your book, I suggest you take it up with my agent. Or my lawyer."

"Hank, you don't understand. I didn't write him in, he just appeared!"

Stepping out of the vehicle, Hank hesitated for one final suggestion. "Then why don't you do what I did? Kill him."

"I'll try that," Hank heard him say as the door slammed shut.

The month that followed exceeded Hank's greatest expectations: mornings were spent in a Guggenheim-designed bread factory located in New Jersey, afternoons were spent in an ambulance that wove like a jetfighter through the bombfield of New York traffic. Hank scribbled notes furiously, each detail providing a new steel girder for the colossal story he was erecting. He'd never been happier, and to that end, as a mental buffer, to ward off any sense of guilt in his newfound pleasure-monging, he imagined that he hadn't killed Sid Little, he'd simply left him behind to wander the wilds of Montana for eternity.

The Vicious Circle chose a meat packing plant as its next meeting place. The floors had been scrubbed spotless, the remaining carcasses hung in neat rows against the back wall. Hank remembered hearing the myriad examples of the significance, none of which came to mind as he entered the room to the pungent odor of cow's blood. He was the last to arrive, and seeing the forlorn visages of the other members, he got the distinct impression there was a reason as to why.

"Hank," began F.R., "we've all been talking, and I've got some bad news."

"What is it?" Hank asked, running the possibilities through his mind, wondering if he'd forgotten to pay the club's quarterly dues.

F.R. hung his head low. "You can't be a part of the Circle anymore."

"I don't understand," said Hank, addressing the group. "I thought we were all becoming... friends. I love it here." Hank gazed around the room, all hooks and beef. "Actually, I don't love it here. I mean I love being a part of the Circle. Did I do something to offend all of you?"

T.H. Ornasis, an esteemed neo-Norse mythologist, spoke first. "The problem isn't you, per se. The problem is Sid."

"Sid? That's preposterous! Sid is a work of fiction!" said Hank.

"Some have said that we are nothing but the fiction of a higher power." P.K. stated, an armchair sage. "Preposterous as it is, your benevolent hero is wreaking havoc! Two days ago, I discovered that the Big Brother of my latest dystopian distillation was none other than Sid Little."

Tears in her eyes, P.R. made her own confession. "I've been writing romance novels on the side. The money is really good!" she said, a preemptive defense. "Last week, Sid showed up as the third member of a love triangle. My heroine is falling for him! My editor is threatening to stop my advance."

"Everyone has had similar experiences," said F.R., cutting the emotional tirade short.

"Even you?"

"F.R. hasn't written a word since his Pulitzer in '68," whispered C. K. Templeton, an F.R. protege.

"We have no other choice but to ask you to leave," said F.R.

"You're wrong," he said. "There's another choice. But it will require all of us working together." He chose his next words carefully. "We all must leave, right now, and write Sid Little out of our lives forever."

"You mean, slay him?" asked T.H., already mentally sharpening his battleaxe.

"Slay. Exterminate. Kill. Yes."

"I'm writing a fictionalized treatise on my dysfunctional childhood," said I.L. Pinkmouth, who hadn't spoken since the day he'd joined the Vicious Circle five years ago. "Last week, Sid turned up in my book as a fifth grade bully. He's a horrible character, but you can't possibly expect me to kill a ten year old!"

"It's the only way," said B.Z. "I should know. I've done it."

The news that B.Z. had murdered Sid - if only fictionally - stung, a knife in his back. But you told him to do it! Hank reminded himself. His own personal destruction of Sid was treasonous, but reconcilable. Involving others, though, brought a new atmosphere to the situation: they were gods, laying waste to an ill-conforming creation.

F.R. took a quick poll. Everyone agreed, by next month, if Sid wasn't gone, Hank had to go. The party disassembled, wordless, only nods and glances exchanged as they disembarked to carry out their dirty deed.

Over the next seven days, Hank's apartment turned into a command center. Phone calls, faxes, and emails came in from every quadrant. Sid was on the run, but they were finding him, cornering him, cutting him off at all borders. Thus far, Sid had been hanged, quartered, hit by a train, struck by a car, electrocuted, knifed by a mime, and, Hank's personal favorite, flattened like a pancake by the cartooning satirist H.P. Joyce. The war was being won, and its primary constructor, five-star-general Hank Henegarde, could feel in his bones that soon Sid's white flag would rise.

Ten days had passed, and no one had heard from Sid. Hank toyed with the idea of writing him into Ambulance Bread, marginalized as a side character, a bum on the street, a carnival barker, a lone tenor in the church choir, but decided against it: a kindly notion but a lousy idea. Maybe I'll dedicate the book to Sid, he thought, notating such in his journal.

The ordeal had opened the door to a relationship with P.R. Her guilt-ridden admission as a closeted romance writer (penned under her actual name: Tiffany Kimbersoul) softening her to a pillowy pulp of her former self. She'd even been spotted wearing pink while out on a date with Hank.

The New York Public Library seemed a fitting setting for the post-war edition of the Vicious Circle. Hank and P.R. entered as a couple, sparking a murmuring din that swelled until F.R. announced the beginning of the meeting.

"Good evening, everyone," said the chairman. "I have two announcements tonight. The first one is this: after ten years of service, I am stepping down. My replacement will be the man who has done more than anyone else to solidify the image of this assemblage: Hank Henegarde."

Hank was stunned at the statement, as was everyone else, though they could not deny its truth. For the first time ever, the distance between the thirteen seats had been bridged, the circle made unbroken. For better or worse, they needed each other.

A consummate gentleman, Hank rose to meet F.R. at the center of the Circle for a handshake, a passing of the torch. Hank could see in the old man's eyes that the act was not entirely selfless. I'm returning to my typewriter, he thought he heard him whisper.

"Wait!" said Hank. "You haven't made your second announcement. What could it possibly be?"

"My retirement from this illustrious body leaves a void to be filled. We have, and always will have, thirteen members." F.R. raised a hand toward the back of the room. "There's someone I'd like you to meet."

All eyes turned toward a man walking down the dark hallway of books. He stopped at the edge of the Circle, a tiger about to enter the ring. Hank stared at the man. The man stared back. The two of them bore a striking resemblance: it was as if skilled artisan had taken Hank and chipped away all the bad features to create the man.

"What's your name?" asked Hank.

But he already knew the answer.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Why

Why, O Lord, is it so hard for me
To keep my heart directed toward you?

Why does my mind wander off
In so many directions?
And why does my heart desire
The things that lead me astray?

Let me sense your presence
In the midst of my turmoil.
Take my tired body,
My confused mind,

(My restless soul into your arms)

Give me rest.
Simple
Quiet
Rest.

My wife gave me a CD for valentines day: Lounge Worship 2. It's so laid back its practically falling off the chair. These lyrics are attributed to Henri Nouwen. How cool is that?

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Forty Days of Purpose: One to Five

Whilst I planned to blog each day, sometimes there just aren’t enough hours! Oh well. Here’s a compressed version of the first five days.

What on earth am I here for?

Day 1: It all starts with God
Warren’s very first sentence is this: “It’s not about you.” This is an incredible challenge. My life is not about me, but how oh so much I wish it were!

Day 2: You are not an accident

Day 3: What drives your life?
This is a really interesting question. Is God really driving my life, or am I a leaner driver desperately trying to control a swiftly moving vehicle, thinking I’m doing a good job?

Day 4: Made to last forever
Perhaps foolishly, I’ve agreed to lead a home group for the 40 Days. We were talking in depth about this one last night, probably because yesterday was Day 4. Even when we know our purposes, life can seem frustrating. I put this down to that, being made for eternity and in the image of God, life on earth is not going to fulfill that eternal longing to be with Him. It’s a complex and difficult issue, I think.

Day 5: Seeing life from God’s view
This one today really got me going.

How do you see your life? … People have said, “Life is a carousel: Sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down, and sometimes you just go round and round” or “life is a ten-speed bicycle with gears we never use” or “life is a game of cards: you have to play the hand you are dealt.”

Think about it for a moment. How do you really see life working? What kind of metaphor can you build to describe how life works? What it’s all about?

The best I could come up with is music: Life is a tune, or a song. Sometimes it’s fast, sometimes slow. Sometimes simple or complex, or both at the same time! It can be beautiful, ugly, funny and boring. But it should always be passionate, and artistic. Warren goes on:

Your unspoken life metaphor influences your life more than you realize. It determines your expectations, your values, your relationships, your goals, and your priorities. … If you think life is a party, your primary value in life will be having fun. If you see life as a race, you will value speed and probably be in a hurry much of the time. If you view life as a marathon, you will value endurance. If you see life as a battle or a game, winning will be very important to you.

You get the idea. The point is that our own perspectives don’t really cut it in determining our life view. But God’s perspectives do. In life God will test us, but He also trusts us with much, and in relation to eternal life with God, this is only a temporary assignment.

More later. It's going be one heck of ride!

Goals: Scriptures 2 of 12

What on earth am I here for?

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:10

(This is the first of the memory verses from the 40 Days.)

I love how powerful this when it is applied personally. Consider:

For I am God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for me to do.

How's that for a meaning to your life?


Forty Days of Purpose

We're doing the Forty Days of Purpose at church. Its actually the second time I've done it, and I'm looking forward to getting new insights, and a deeper understanding and relationship with God.

When I was reviewing it, I tried to remember each of the five purposes that Rick Warren identifies as being core to our existence. They came in a natural order for me: Worship; Discipleship; Fellowship; Evangelism; Ministry. Every time I think about them they change order slightly, but Worship is definitely up there as #1; Discipleship, Fellowship and Ministry in the middle; Evangelism lower down.

I think that this may be tightly coupled to how God made me: not that any of the purposes are any more important than any other, but they have a natural order in my life, a natural priority. Worship is definitely number 1. Whenever I think about what God has made me for, worshiping, music, praise, all come instantly to mind. It's what occupies mind most the time, most days. Even at work, behind a computer, I'm usually listening to something (right now CounterMoon from Donald Fagan's Kamakiriad). On lunch breaks I'm song-writing whilst working around - or at least groove-writing.

Discipleship & Fellowship are also something very important to me - growing like Christ, and helping others to grow to their potential I've always loved to do. I have difficulty separating this from Ministry, but I think I'll have to look at that more closely this time. I think Evangelism is more prominent at the moment, as I've been reading a lot about it in Warren's previous book - The Purpose Driven Church. This is very much based around the question: How do we get unchurched people to meet Christ?

And that's really the point, I'm feeling more. How do we get more people to meet, and stay with Jesus? How can I do that better? 40 Days is not just an evangelism tool, or a church programme to fill in a few weeks. It really is a tool for living.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Goals: Scriptures 1 of 12

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

2 Corinthians 10 : 5

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

The Christmas Stash!

Hey,

I think I've stumbled upon a strange phenomena: AntiStashDiscussionism: The inability to talk about what you got for Christmas.

As usual for this time of year I've been asking people what they got for Christmas. Its a way of getting involved in people's lives, finding out what they like or dislike, rejoicing in their happiness, sharing in their joy. However most people don't want to play along. They deprecate the receiving part of the gift exchange, as though it really is of no importance.

Now don't get me wrong: Gift giving is very important. I do honestly believe that there is a more important reality in gift giving than there is in receiving. I think we ultimately gain more when we give an appropriate, sought after gift that will give great joy to the receiver, than in receiving a gift. How do you feel when you give a gift that you think someone is going to enjoy immensely? How do you feel when the gift is received with great excitement? How do you feel when it's not?

The point is that the giving has immense value when received in joy and with excitement. When I've given people gifts that they didn't want or had no interest in, I've felt crushed. Especially if I'd gone to the trouble to hunt down that particular something for that special someone. You want you gift to bring a smile to their face. You want your effort to be rewarded. Your joy is wrapped up in theirs, and so gift giving is a risky proposition: going about it carelessly will likely cause you more pain than joy. However thoughtful gift giving can be more rewarding than receiving anything.

And this is where AntiStashDiscussionism comes in. Refusing to talk about your gifts robs people of your joy, and ultimately of their own. The joy of Christmas is about giving and receiving. It takes both to make the joy, not just one part of it.

So talk about your gifts. Did you like what you got? Let the person know, and don't hold back if ask. Don't brag, but don't be shy either. Rejoice in your gifts. After all, God wants us to rejoice in His gift to us, doesn't He? Imagine how you would feel if people rejected the gift of all you could give.

TC&GB, pk

(p.s. I got a knife block from my wife! Its great to finally have good, sharp knives to cut and book with. We also bought ourselves an espresso machine. Making good espresso is an art form to be learnt!)

Monday, January 10, 2005

Resolutions

So, lets start 2005 in the traditional sense: New Year's Resolutions.

Now I've never really been big on resolutions, per se. I've tried the standard "I will do this!", "I won't do that!", but it was never inspiring enough to hold, and led to the inevitable discontent with my own will. I don't think it works for most people. In fact, I suspect it works for very few.

Mostly I believe this is due to the "will" or the "won't". They are so vague, and do nothing to empower the resolve within you. There is no plan of action. The bad of the "won't" is not replaced by a positive alternative. The good of the "will" is susposed to be it's own reward. I think we need something more. I know I need something more.

So I've turned to goals. These are not resolutions, but rather definable, measurable, and hopefully achievable targets for the coming twleve months. Last year I achieved but one of the list I made, and I've learnt a lot from the experience. Accountability is a wonderful thing. Understanding my own limitations, and what reasonable expectations are, is another. Managing time, including time for relaxation, is important.

At first these were "achievement" goals: What do I want to do? What do I want to achieve? This year though I'm broadening the scope. The goals are not only what I want to achieve; they include the consideriation of what is good for me, what is helpful, wise, and fair (Titus 1:8-9).

  • The Twelves:
    • Read 12 books (1 per month, on average)
    • Write 12 songs & 12 short stories
    • Learn 12 verses of scripture. Really learn them - word for word in the most hepful translation (Message, NIV or New Jerusalem by default), including reference
  • Pray daily
  • Get out of debt
  • Maintain accountability
  • Lead and / or write a study for home group
  • Take time to practice and develop my musical gifts, including taking bass lessons again
It is not a big list, and there are others I'm not posting here. They are in no particular order; certainly not in order of priority! It covers personal development in mind, spirit and creativity (yes, the body is lacking!), as well as time out to enjoy myself: something I've really lacked this year, I think. Over the years I'm sure it will grow to a more holostic approach, encompasing all that I want to become, and all that God calls me to be. Jonothon Edwards' Seventy Resolutions makes for sober reflection.

As goals, they are things to work towards, rather than iron rules that require an iron will. They will take time, and a certain amount of intention, but I guess that's the point, really.

pk

Monday, December 20, 2004

Gabriel

Over at Faith*In*Fiction, and through Infuze Magazine, they're having a Christmas story competition. Now I haven't written anything substantial in the way of fiction since high school, but I thought this might be a good way to start practicing again. I hope you like it.

"Gabriel", He called me. He always used my full name. Others called me Gabe or Gaby or Ria maybe. But He always used my full name.

"Gabriel". And He always calls twice, which I don't quite understand. I mean, does He think I can't hear Him? His voice is plain and clear to those who want to listen. Does He think I won't respond? I was created to respond. What other choice is there?

"Gabriel, I have a message for you."

"Yes, I'm listening."

“Gabriel, I want you to appear to Zachariah, whom I love. There I will give you my message.”

“Earth, Lord? It’s been such a long time.”

“Yes Gabriel. It’s time. Be joyful! Wonderful things are happening.” With His blessing He sent me out.

It had been a while. I remembered the long days of dwelling on earth when He himself would visit His creatures. In those days He’d use me more often: messages to his people; appointments and ceremonies; inspiration to give Him their best praise and worship; speaking to his chosen to bring them all home. Those were busy days, days I’ll never forget. Days that started a long road, He said, days in which He never stopped working.

I sometimes wonder if He rests. He never seems to. He did once, that I know of, at the end of creation. Everything was good. There was no evil, no disappointment, no fight to be fought. Then He rested. It was good. We played. We worshipped. He dwelt amongst us, amongst them. Now He is always working. There is so much to do, He says, so much to win back.

Earth is not far, yet it is so different to Heaven. Be joyful, He told me. Over what, I wondered. Even the brightest days are dim, and those that dwell in His presence are so few. Those He called as His own were now a long way off, and disappearing further into their own self concern. I watched a man sitting by the side of the road, crying out and reaching for things unseen. People didn’t stop. They didn’t help. One of their own was in pain, trouble and need, and all they could do was walk by. He had said wonderful things were happening, but what was this?

I waited for Zachariah in the Temple, and coldness came over me. It wasn’t so much the presence of evil as the lack of God. Surrounded by stone with few adornments and little light, it felt hard to believe that He would meet him here. It was so sterile. Infertile. Barren.

When Zachariah entered I noticed how low he hung his head. He had been chosen to offer the yearly sacrifice, a great honor. I waited. Never once did he look up, and whilst going about his duties not once was he truly in worship. And yet, He had said He loved him. Zachariah walked about the chamber mumbling prayers, beating his heart, and burning a meager amount of incense. The fire was failing, threatening to go out. The coals were growing cold.

Still I waited. Zachariah was preparing to leave when I appeared. “Zachariah, be bold and strong, for the Lord your God loves you.”

The poor man was paralyzed with fear. He dropped the incense burner on the floor, making a loud clang, and reverberating throughout the silence. Finally he looked up at me, the first real sign of God in this place, and then quickly looked away, embarrassed and afraid. He groped on the floor for the burner.

“Zachariah, do not be afraid. I have a come from the Almighty, who gives you this message.” It was always like this. He spoke to me when the time was needed, neither before nor after, but in the moment. It was fresh, strong and powerful. It was lovely, tender and passionate.

“Do not be afraid. Your prayers have been heard. Elizabeth, your wife, will bear a son from you. Name him John. Be happy! Leap for joy! Shout and sing to God for His blessings to you! Many will delight in his birth. He will achieve great stature with God, and do great things for Him. He will be filled with His Holy Spirit from the time he leaves his mother’s womb.”

Still was he in awe. As he listened his eyes grew wider and slowly lifted to meet my own. Yet his face remained dark and puzzled. Why would he not believe? This was incredible news! God Himself was intervening in his life!

There was more. “Many of Israel’s children will return to God because of him. He will prepare them for God’s own arrival in the style and strength of Elijah. Parents and children will be reconciled, and skeptics swayed towards God. By John will the people be ready for His coming.”

What was this, now? What is this message? God’s own arrival? Was He finally bringing His creation home? Praise to the Father of all mankind!

Finally Zachariah spoke, stumbling over his words. “What? How can this be? This can’t be right! I am too old, and Elizabeth has been barren for years! How can you expect me to believe this? You have the wrong man!” He hung his head again and shook it from side to side, mumbling, “No, No. I don’t believe it.”

“I am Gabriel, the messenger of God. He sent me to bring you this incredible news!” The poor, broken man would not allow himself to believe. Where was the joy? Where was his delight? God was granting him his heart’s desire, and glorifying Himself through it!

“Zachariah, everything is possible with God. But as you won’t believe you won’t say a word until the day your son is born. Be silent before God and man!” He fell prone to the floor, and as he rose he looked up to me as if to speak. His mouth opened and he gestured for words, but nothing came. Confusion, anger, and wonderment all covered his face. His very demeanor changed from an empty, dutiful servant, to a marveling child of God. Perhaps there was hope in Zachariah.

“What I have spoken will be true in God’s time. You’ll see, and then you’ll speak.” And I left.

I could not wait to return to Heaven, to His side. There was so much to do, to be said, to bring about. God was at work! “Be Joyful!” He said. “Wonderful things are happening!”

Friday, December 17, 2004

Liar, Lunatic, or Living God?

I don't care who you are. You have to deal with Jesus at some point.

I want to be truthful, and right, and honest. Its a lofty goal, and a good one, I think. But it's also really hard to do. Lets face it, we all, myself included, would rather lie and cheat and take the easy way out if we could get away with it. We know that being truthful right down to our core is necessary.

So then, there are certain things I can't ignore if I'm going to be honest. The answers to these questions shape how I will live. Once I know these questions, ignoring them is living a lie. If they are not resolved, I'm fooling myself that they don't matter, when they do matter. They matter very much, because they define who I am. Am I a lie, or am I truthful? Things like poverty and opulence; power and democracy; and even honesty and lying. What is the value of each? In which way do I want to live my life? What are the results of living each way? If I know the answers, even unconsciously, in my inner most being, I can live my life and be happy with it, rather than challenge.

Which brings me back to my first statement. You have to deal with Jesus. This is an important person. He changed our times, literally, to B.C. to A.D. (Or B.C.E or C.E., if that feels more comfortable to you - its the same demarcation however, regardless how what you call it.) He turned the world upside down and started something that hasn't stopped. It didn't take years to take off. It wasn't a timid, local, or restrained movement. The followers of Jesus took the world by storm. They were so convinced by their beliefs that many died for them. Would you do that for capitalism? Communism? A political party?

So what's it going to be? Look at his life:

  • Claimed he was God
  • Healing and other miracles
  • reportedly rose from the dead
I challenge you: look at the evidence. Don't just ignore this, or you are living as a lie. There are a few choices: Liar, Lunatic, or actually was who he said he was.

Ever been a liar? Ever get caught out by your own lies? When I (try to) lie I have to keep it simple. No big claims. No major differences. Only little things work as lies, and even then it's pretty dodgy. Anything bigger than a small adjustment is just going to come back and bite you. One way or another a lie won't stack up to the truth. But what Jesus talked about was big things. Life and death issues. Big events. Big claims. If he were lying on those things there would've been some evidence, something that contradicted him. Surely someone would've worked that out by now. I mean, come on, it's been 2000 years, give or take. But I can't find it. Not in the historical records we have, and not by anyone actually taking a rational look at it.

So maybe Jesus actually believed what he said, but he was deluded himself, in short, a lunatic, a mad man. Maybe so. What do we know of people in this state? Ever met anybody you suspected of being even slightly deluded? What words would you use to describe them? Self-absorbed? Self-obsessed? Critical? Condemning? Inflexible? Predictable? Friendless?

Compare that with Jesus. He showed incredible love and concern for people. Often he put them above his own needs and desires., spending long times with them, and coming to their aid. We hear of him spending time on his own when others would be busy with other things: mostly late at night or early in the morning when they would be sleeping. Jesus had friends. He had lots of followers. People wanted to be with him. They wanted to talk to him, and listen to what he had to say. Yes, he was critical of people. Sometimes he had to let the big guns out. But by far his demeanor was kind. I don't think he was soft - certainly he stood up for what he believed in, even to the point of death - but he was only harsh when absolutely necessary. Mostly, he just loved being with people.

So where does that leave Jesus? Just some guy, who said nice things?
How would telling people to be nice to one another get a man crucified? What government would execute Mister Rogers, or Captain Kangaroo?
Philip Yancey
No, there has to be something more to this guy. He was either deluded or a liar that we can't trust, or what he claimed was somehow true.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

My Favourite Book

I'm not actually going to discuss my favourite book, although it happens to Bridge of Birds by Barry Hughart. (My brother gave me it for a birthday back in high school. I don't think he realises just how good a choice it was.)

No, this blog entry is more about the annual vote and tally that the Australian Broadcasting Commission (ABC: one of the 5 TV channels we have here) does. They put on good show really, counting down the top 10, and building the suspense to the top 3. Here is the site with more info. (For the top 100, go to the top 10, and then select the Top 100 link. Why do they make these things so hard!?) For the lazy among you:

  1. The Lord of the Rings - J.R.R. Tolkien
  2. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austin
  3. The Bible
  4. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
  5. Cloundstreet - Tim Winton
  6. Harry Potter and The Order Of The Phoenix (book 5) - J.K. Rowling
  7. Nineteen Eighty-Four - George Orwell
  8. The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy - Douglass Adams
  9. Tied:
    • Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
    • The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
  10. A Fortunate Life - A.B. Facey
I've read a few of these (#'s 1, 3 & 8), don't think I'll ever read a few (#'s 5, 6, & 9b), and the rest I'd like to read. As usual, its a matter of time!

TC&GB, pk

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Broken

This is a meditative poem written by a friend of mine. She read it during communion last Sunday.

Broken

Have you ever actually looked at the bread as it’s being broken?

Hear the crack of the crust
as what once was whole
becomes fractured
then split open

Can you see the way the fibres cling together,
until they are torn apart,
… kind of like sinews

And now there are pieces,
Jagged-edged remnants
that barely resemble the original form

Have you ever looked at the wine as it’s being poured?

Look at the rich, red colour,
vibrant and full of life,
the way it flows freely,
abundantly even

Have you ever noticed how just one drop
can mark something (or someone) for life?


Jodie McCarthy 2004

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Tolstoy on the walk

If I know the way home and am walking along it drunkenly, is it any less the right way because I am staggering from side to side?

Actually, I don't know what he was talking about here, or from where it is quoted. As I'm sure he is for many reading this, Tolstoy is an author I'd like to read, but haven't yet. This might help though.

The quote is taken from the back cover of the liner notes of Brooke Fraser's CD, "What To Do With Daylight".

TC & GB, pk

Monday, November 08, 2004

Why is it so hard to get started?

(Wow! two posts in one day... I wonder if anybody actually reads this stuff, though!)

After reading Troy's and Heather's blogs, and a few others that link from them to other places, (such as Faith In Fiction) I've become really interested in writing again. I say again, as I haven't written anything substantial for the last year or so.

Over the years there have been numerous ideas. Stories that came and go. I think they were ok ideas - at least, I could see they weren't too bad. General pulp fiction in a lot of ways, but hey, I'm no pro! Maybe something got started. Maybe the ideas just stayed in my head, residing in the Buena Vista Social Club of the mind. Waiting to be rediscovered, happy just to exist. Why is it so hard to get started?

Music, songs, short stories, devotions, prayers. Nothing seems good enough, evenly polished, "right". Never totally happy with letting go, half finished creations stand in my frail shadow, glaring at my inner eyes. Their yearning for the light can be strong. Desire for the acceptance of my creativity and expression is overpowering. My pride and fear of failure is crushing. The tension is unbareable. I am the tightrope upon which judgement walks: is he just technically skilled at what he does, or is it art? Learned tricks of balance, or beautiful movement suspended high in the air? Why is it so hard to get started?

I read recently that the people who think of themselves as creative, are actully the most creative. This I can definately work on. Think of myself as creative? Having something to offer? Something good? That's a challenge.

TC & GB, pk

Romans 8:28

Bible Gateway: ROM 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (NIV)

This is one of the (far too few) verses I have memorised. (Well, ok, almost memorised. It's certianly one I know, but I'm never too sure of the reference.)

One of the things that I find really important about this verse is NOT

  • that God works everything for good; or
  • that God works in all things.

No, the point for me is those 4 little words: "those who love him."

God is a jealous God. He want's our love, and will continuously work to get it. This is not only an interpretation of difficult times for those that love God, but also for difficult times for those that don't know God, or have chosen not to love him. The rain falls on the godly and wicked alike. We who love God know all is, and will be, turned for our good, as God is at work. Those that don't know Him, cannot be so assured. Praise God He is at work!

A question: does God take rest, even now? He instructs us to do so in the Sabbath (originally Saturday, now Sunday); God is a god who leads by example. Does He take rest? Is His work continuous work?

I don't have any highly thought out answer here. I do know that God's work, and the repercussions of God's work, affect my life more than I know or appreciate. God is still working in me (there's a lot of work to do, let me tell you!). God also lets me rest from His work in me, because He loves me. He doesn't want to tire me out, get me frustrated (or get Himself frustrated?!). His love is everlasting, even when I don't respond, and especially when I love him and when we work things together for His good, which is my good.

TC&GB,

pk


Monday, November 01, 2004

World Friendship

I'm constantly amazed at how far the world reaches, and how close computers and the Internet make it seem. I discovered the other day that Heather and Troy also blog. They are friends of ours in Madrid (Spain), on a mission establishing an English speaking church - MountainView.

We met them whilst living in the Netherlands, and attending Crossroads. We still pine for those days in many respects. It's been well over a year now that we've been back in Australia, and it's still all I can do to hold myself together if I think of Europe and our friends there for too long. Zoe, Bram, Jante, Gerard, Troy & Heather, the Crossroads gang, our adopted parents Jos & Jaap. These all are people that we feel honoured to have been friends with; that we will stay in contact with until our live's ends; that hope to meet up with again, the sooner the better. Thanks for letting us be a part of your lives. We've been truly blessed.

God called us back to Australia; that we know for sure. Why, though? I don't get it. I think perhaps we're in training for something bigger. We face obstacles and difficult situations, but I think we're learning to rely on Him more and more. At least more than we would have living longer in NL

For those who have been trained by it, no discipline is pleasant at the time, but painful.

Bobby McFerrin on Hebrews 12:11.


Here is to life-long, world friendship. God be praised for the age in which we live.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Lyrics: Change Me From Within

I came across these old lyrics of mine, from a long while back. I can still remember the tune too. Time to do something with it.

Change me from within
Come beneath my skin
O Father,
Lead me to your living water

I want to leave behind
My old and sinful mind (life?)
Holy Spirit,
Come and move, and Change me from within