Catapult Magazine have published a revised version of the Leaving... blog entry. I've really appreciated, and learnt a lot, through working with Kirstin Vander Giessen-Reitsma, the Catapult editor. Its really focused the article, taking a lot of the "Christianese" out, and making it more approachable, and hopefully understandable, for those that haven't faced this kind of dilemma.
Thanks once again, Kirstin.
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Leaving Home To Go Home
Two Views of Christmas ... or ... The Parent I Want To Be
With 2005 almost said and done, here are a couple of events from the past few days that have stuck in my mind.
1. The Parent I Don't Want To Be
Ok, so it's a couple of days to Christmas, and we're out as a family (mum, dad and two kids) at the local mall getting a few last minute things together. My wife desperately wants to get some prints done of digital photos, so we burn to a CD at home, and are now in front of one of those "self serve" print machines. You stick the CD in, make a few selections on the touch screen, and a take your order to the counter to pay.
Click the post title to read more...
We're in the middle of this process when a lady comes in with a shopping trolley full to the hilt, including a toddler in the front seat. She waves a memory stick up in the air and asks how to use the machine. From next to us a sales assistant tells her where to insert it, and then to follow the prompts. She seems happy enough, and gets on with her order.
By this time, we've finished making our selection and go to the counter to pay for the prints and find out when they'll be ready. We also need to pick up prints from a roll we'd put in earlier in the week.
So, we're standing there, looking at the prints, and the lady pushes her overloaded trolley round to the counter. "Where are the prints?", she asks the assistant. "Well, they'll take about five minutes. Can I have your order slip?" "Oh, no, sorry", she says, "I don't have time to wait five minutes. Just cancel the order. I thought they just came right out."
"Oh, they'll only be a few minutes."
"No, I don't have time to wait. Just cancel the order." And she shoves off.
I don't get it. Five minutes. That's all it would take. By the time she'd finished paying they'd be just about done. She must've spent at least that in making her selection, and arguing with the assistant.
What really gets me though, is this is what she was modeling to her kid. Impatience. Demands. Rudeness. If I don't have it my way, I'm not going to have it at all. That's definitely not the parent I want to be.
2. The Parent I Do Want To Be
Thankfully this view of Christmas is a much happier one. I'm out the front of our house, mowing the lawn. I'm feeling a little self conscious with my Akubra hat on, sunglasses, and loads of sunscreen. Our house is on a slip road, next to a major road with three lanes in each direction, and a median strip. On the other side is the local mall (from above). It is a convenient place to live, if a little noisy sometimes, and definitely exposed if you're working on the front garden
So I'm mowing away, and a car I don't know pulls up onto our curb. It's big four-wheel drive. The kind that never sees any off road work, but the driver feels 'safer" on the city roads, for some reason. A man is driving, and from the passenger side out hops his teenage son, dressed in a uniform, clearly from one of the fast food places at the mall. The son comes around to the drivers side, and they say goodbyes, and he then starts to cross the busy road.
What happens next just about floors me. The dad pulls away and turns around in our street. By this time the son is halfway across the major road, waiting for the traffic to clear. Without his son knowing, the man stops on our street where he can see his son. He waits there just long enough to see his son cross the road safely, and then drives off, happy that he has safely delivered his son to work.
That's the parent I want to be. One that has a great relationship with his son, and cares for him, even when he doesn't know it.
Have a great 2006. See you in the New Year.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Margin
My friend and former pastor, Brian, blogged about having "margin" time. An interesting concept, I think. A long and rambling post. I just hope you can get through it!! ;-)
How much margin is in your life? I know in mine, there's not much at all.
By "margin" I mean time to sit around and read, think, observe people going here and there. I think it's more than just time to "veg out", doing nothing. Whilst it might be physically inactive, margin time is still very active - at least, it is for me.
Click the post title to continue reading...My schedule basically looks like this:
Monday to Friday:
The weekend is generally just as busy. Often I'm taking my son to swimming lessons, shopping, or helping my wife catch up on the things that need to be done, etc. Sunday morning is church, and sometimes in the evening as well. The weekend has been good for those catch-up-naps, of late, too.
Now I'm trying not boast here - this is certainly not the quiet, relaxed life I'd like to live. Much of what goes on is necessary to keep us afloat financially, spiritually and emotionally. Circumstances permitting I'd gladly cut the neccessary in half to have more time for what I think would benefit me, and those around me, more. Things like writing, composing, more playing, more talking with people. More time for prayer.
Anyway, the point is that the marginal time is fairly limited. I crave the time on the bus, as that is where I get to read my Bible, or our latest home group study, or the latest book I'm into. Two 30-minute times a day doesn't allow for much reflection, but I certainly know when its missing.
I miss the days when we lived in The Hague. There was this fantastic cafe down the street from us that made its own bread, and on Sundays it served breakfast till 3 in the afternoon! When my wife was away on tour I'd often go down there for a beer with a good book or a good a friend or just to watch people. They used to give free Salsa lessons, and the music and dancing was inspiring. I realise now that it wasn't simply a relaxation time, it was the time I needed to put things in perspective.
You see, I think we need margin time in much the same way we need sleep. The nightly slumber allows our body to refresh itself, to do the repair work it needs to do. Having a nap may help, in that it gives my body a short term boost, but there is nothing like a having a good, solid night's sleep, even a few in a row, to totally refresh and enliven your body. Margin time is the same, I think, but for our minds.
With so much going on in the world, with the advance of media and communications, we're constantly bombarded with information, often whether we like it or not! Can you imagine what it must have been like, even 50 years ago, to not know what was going on in another state, let alone another continent? Today, Australians keep up with American politics like never before. We were all impacted by the Boxing Day tsunami's the very day it happened.
Our minds need time to relax, to refresh itself, and to take in and process all this information. We need margin time, to put things in perspective, think, and adjust what we have just learnt or hes ard. Without this time to let our minds wander and evaluate, to make the necessary connections between differing concepts, we risk running them ragged - letting the constant flow of information never be questioned. We end up letting anything in and become part of us, regardless of what we think about it. In fact, that's the whole point: without margin time, we're not thinking about anything, we're just accepting it!
Romans 12 : 2 (NIV) urges us:Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Or, in The Message:Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. (Emphasis mine.)
So, this Christmas, take some margin time. Get out of the hubbub, and at least try to get some things in perspective. Perhaps there are things you need to evaluate that you've just been accepting, things that need to find out what God might think of them.
Have a very Merry Christmas.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Leaving...
A short reflection on leaving The Netherlands, now 2 and half years ago
I had never seen her cry, and even now she only teetered on the brink of tears. Although she would not let herself dissolve into emotion here and now, I knew that when we had finally gone through the gates, the good byes said, the prayers and blessings pronounced, as soon as she was comfortably home with her husband, the tears would not stop. I felt honoured; this was the closeness of our friendship. Remembering that day still brings tears to my own eyes.
Click the post title to continue reading...She was my wife’s closest confidant. Their professional careers shared many experiences and qualities. Had my Indonesian wife an English double she might have fooled even me. She was my ministry leader and coach. She was the one who, in the wars of leadership and power struggles, believed and trusted in me. In those tumultuous times we became her sounding board, shoulders to lean on, and close friends. We shared meals, movies and wine together, just to unwind and forget the day. We laughed, drank coffee and talked. Still, I had never seen her cry, and she wouldn’t allow herself to do so in the busy airport corridors.
We lived in The Netherlands for almost seven years. The intended two year stay become just one more; then just one more; then an apartment just outside of Amsterdam; a new church; our first child. We met her at the new church, and over the next three years our friendship grew. Together we struggled through internal wrangling and Dutch bureaucracy. We helped her move house. (Twice!) She met her future husband and married him, and the four of us spent hours together solving the world’s problems. They are God-Parents to our son.
I was unsure about staying permanently; caught between what had become an exciting, adventurous home, and mother country Australia, with family and a language and a people I could at least understand properly. I think I wanted to stay, but it was such a departure from our original plans, I couldn’t bring myself to accept it. When my wife first brought up moving back, my heart raced with anxiety. I was still so unsure. I didn’t know what to do. We prayed.
It would mean leaving this small home, leaving our European Adventure of culture, art and history. We would be going back to a place I wasn’t sure I wanted to return to. The few times we went home for a holiday the extended family dynamics were, at times, rather difficult. We would need somewhere to live. I would need to find a new job. We would need to go Church shopping again. But the hardest pill to swallow was leaving our current church family and friends, particularly these two.
Over the next few months we came to the conclusion that God was asking us to return to Australia. It wasn’t forced, or manipulated, but He knew it was the best thing for us, and we wanted to be obedient to Him. We didn’t like it, we didn’t understand it, but that was the way it was. It was very painful. For three months we met with people to say good bye. We started with the easy ones, those important to us, but not emotionally close. Slowly we worked ourselves to the closest friends, the ones whom it would be most painful to leave.
The last two weeks were hell. Constantly in tears, we were emotionally wrecked and the reality of what was about to happen hung over our heads as a rocky outcrop just waiting to collapse under its own weight. We felt blank, empty, like a bucket with a hole in the bottom, and the last of the water finally, slowly, dripping away. The last dinner, the night before we got on the plane, was with these friends. This is the hardest thing I have ever done, I remember thinking. We cried out to God so many times, wondering what on earth was going on. Why was He asking us to go through so much pain?
It took a month to find a place to live; two months to find a church; three months for my wife to find work, and four months for me. All the while we were only just surviving financially, emotionally, and especially spiritually. We were certainly not living abundantly or prosperously. Each day it was all I could do to turn myself over to God, and to trust that He knew what He was doing. Despite the pain of adjustment I was not going to let myself be overcome by confusion. God was going to stay firmly in my sights, even when work did not materialise for me, when old friendships we counted on evaporated, or when it was hard to adjust to a new church.
And you know what? God did know what He was doing. We’ve been in Australia for two and a half years now, and I cannot begin to describe the work He has done in us. Only He could’ve placed us in an internationally experienced home group, with new friends that understand our pain, and don’t gloss over it or try to fix it. Only God could place us in a house that suits our needs as our family grows. Only He understood that learning to stay close to Him meant we needed to be totally out of depth in every possible way. Only in all that pain could we have possibly learnt just how good God is. It isn’t over yet, not by a long shot. In many ways we’re only just getting on top of things. But God knows what he’s doing, and slowly, He’s teaching us to leave, and to return to Him.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
You'll be going to sleep now...
Coming out of anesthesia is not at all like waking up. It seems more of a switch or a toggle than the slow progression of states that greet the very early morning. One moment and you're awake, aware. Hours may have passed but the prior lucidity remains, dulled perhaps, but certainly not clouded over as with sleep. Still, the effects last much longer than any strong coffee can put right, the light-headed swaying softer and subtler than any alcohol could induce.
No, anesthesia is not at all like sleep. It is but a controlled superficial mimic that neither rests, nor, ironically, recuperates.
Do you rest, or do you just go to sleep?
Monday, November 21, 2005
Be a Christian Like Me!
I know I haven't blogged for sometime, and whilst there is good reason (like a new job, a new baby and just plain exhaustion), there is still a lot I want to share. I hope you'll bear with me.
This is something that's been on my mind for a long time - possibly years. I'm not sure of its basis or validity, and would really appreciate feedback. I call it "Be a Christian Like Me" syndrome.
Click the post title to continue reading...
I've been a Christian most of my life. As far back as I can remember I've been attending church, listening to sermons or talks, and thinking about how well they apply. One of the things we used to do as a family was to pick apart my Dad's sermons over Sunday lunch. They were interesting times, and I learnt a lot. Consequently I've come to appreciate solid, biblically based, applicable teaching. It doesn't have to be outright exegesis, but I think any teaching needs to be grounded in scripture as a whole - rather than single verses that support elegant arguments.
And this is where I get unstuck. Lately I've been listing to a lot of different speakers and I wonder how much is really biblically based, and how much is the speaker supporting their own life and walk with the help of scripture. Sometimes sermons seem to come across as, "If you just did this, as I do, you would have a greater understanding of God. Try this out - it works for me - and you'll get closer to God. Be a Christian Like ME!"
Now I don't doubt that God works in and through all of us, and we can certainly share how God has worked in us, and those experiences can certainly be helpful to other Christians. I worry however that too much personal experience as a basis for teaching is harmful. God hasn't called me to be Ian or Brian or Mary or Jane. God has called me to be Phil. Is not my experience and struggles with God worth as much as theirs? I repeat: I can learn from them. I can certainly try on some clothing and see if it fits, but ultimately I have to find God in my life apart from their experiences, and in my own.
The trouble with this is that it gets dangerously close to post modern thinking: My way to God is as valid as your way to God. Don't judge me. Let me find my way. It's this that causes me concern in my own thinking, and I haven't' totally resolved this issue. My pride gets in the way, but at the same time, God is not letting up on this issue within me as well.
In all things I want to honour God. I also want to value people and their experiences, to show them how much God loves them, and how much they are valued by God. He loves you, the man in the back row, as much as he loves those serving at the front. You, faithful attender, are as important to God as those serving in more obvious positions. You, shy teenage girl, wondering where your life will take you, are in God's thoughts as much as the bold, outgoing speaker or leader of your home group.
In our leader-led, out spoken, loudest is best, society, I think the last thing we need to hear is Be a Christian Like Me. Be a Christian like you. Tell me your story, that I may know God better through you.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Catapult Magazine
Friday, September 23, 2005
Knowing your Bible
How well do you know the most important book in your life? And why?
Do you know your Bible as well as you want to? If not, why not? If a life choice comes up, can you think back to verses or passages that point you in the right direction? I know I can't, but I think I'm beginning to see the importance of it.
I'm reading a very interesting book at the moment, that my wife gave me for our wedding anniversary: "The Dad in the Mirror", by Patrick Morley and David Delk. Its about being a Christian father, and how to bring up your children to have a real relationship with God, and to follow his was because they want to, not because you force them to. Its about learning to change their heart attitudes, rather than just controlling the behaviour. The premise being that if you can change the thinking, the behaviour will change all on its own.
So, what has this got to do with knowing your bible?
Click the post title to find out...As it happens, its got everything to do with it.
Time and time again Morley and Delk give examples of applying God's word to the training and discipline of children. The provide both theoretical situations, as well as illustrations from their own experience, always correcting and teaching in the light of what God has to say about the issue at hand. Here's an example:Dad: Eric, did why did you hit Kevin?
Eric: I didn't him that hard
Dad: Eric, why did you hit Kevin?
Eric: I don't know.
Dad: I think you do know. Why did you hit Kevin?
Eric: He wouldn't let go of my Hot Wheels car!
Dad: Were you angry when he wouldn't let go of the car?
Eric: Key is just a cry baby. I hit Tommy twice as hard yesterday, and he hardly cried at all.
Dad: Eric, you angry when he wouldn't let go of the car?
Eric: Yes.
Dad: Why do you think that made you angry?
Eric: Because I wanted the car.
Dad: You thought that if you had the car you would have more fun?
Eric: Yes.
Dad: Son, you wanted to get your own way, and I understand. I feel like that sometimes too. I know it seems as if you feel happier if you get the toy, but do you know what the Bible says?
Eric: What?
Dad: The Bible says that in the end we will be happier if we share. God says that if we are selfish, we will be sad, but if we love him and love our friends, we will be happy. Let's pray right now, and I'm going to ask God to help you believe that.
Ok, so its a bit contrived, and I can't really see myself talking like that to my kids, but the principal of what is going on here is the important part. In other examples the "dad" actually does quote or paraphrase verses and passages. Do I really know what the Bible says well enough to be able to pass that instruction on to my kids?
If I believe that God is the answer, and that the Bible is His Word, then I need to know it. I need to know it backwards, forwards, and inside out. I need to be dealing daily with it - not just reading passages, but thinking about them, understanding what they mean, letting them be applied in my life, and applying them to my kids life. If I don't believe it, then my kids certainly won't believe it. If I don't know it, then I can't teach them, and may even come to see my life as hypocritical.
It all comes back to this: If I love God, and believe in Him, His Word needs to be in my thoughts, on my lips, and in my actions. Only through that relationship with Him can I really bring my kids up to have their own relationship with God, and do what is right in His sight.
I don't know my Bible nearly well enough. Do you?
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Conversion
Over at Faith * In * Fiction Dave is running another competition: Write a conversion scene / story. I'm not sure if this counts, but its been a bit of a challange to write. WARNING: some adult language contained therein. No offence intended.
So I guess what I did you could call praying, but I don't know.
Mike had been at me for a while to try it. ‘See what happens’, he said. ‘At least you’ll know what you’re dealing with. If don’t try, you’ll never know.’ And he was right – I lived by that motto. “You got to try it to buy it. You’ll never know if you don’t give it a go.” I mean, what was there to lose?
Click the post title to continue reading...It wasn’t as though I needed to pray. I mean, it wasn’t as though I needed a crutch or anything to lean on. It was just that, well, there had to be something more, something that really meant something. I was sick of the advertising. Sick of the whole “Work. Money. Spend! Spend! Spend!” thing. So I had the crib and the car and all the latest tech. I had unwatched DVDs and downloaded CDs by the dozen. But it didn’t really get me, you know? I figured I was only living somebody else’s dream. There was nothing really in it for me. There had to be something else, surely.
And my girl was less than enthusiastic about the idea. Lisa thought Mike was full of shit, trying to mess me up with all that religious talk. ‘You be careful around him, baby’, she’d tell me. ‘Don’t give him too much rope now or he’ll just pull you in and hang you big time. All that religious crap is for losers, and you ain’t no loser. Just look at you. You got me. We got each other. We don’t need no big ass god trying to tell us what to do and what not to do. We’re the winners. We run our own lives. What you doing trying to mess that up with all this god talk, eh?’ And she as right, kind of. She certainly ran her own life. She kind of ran mine too. But wasn’t there something else?
So I prayed, but I didn’t want anybody to know. I certainly didn’t want to make a fool out of myself in front of Lisa, or make Mike think I was more into this than I really was. I just wanted to know. I wanted to know if there was anything really out there, you know? This was all about me, and what I wanted. What I really wanted. I really wanted there to be something more.
I went to a park over on the north side. Somewhere I never went, where people didn’t know me, where I wouldn’t run in to anybody I knew. I figured that if it didn’t work out I could act like a madman or a drunk, just another loser talking to himself, and leave it at that. I tried it. It didn’t work. No big loss. Move on.
It wasn’t a great day, kind of overcast, a bit cold. I really should be doing this inside, I thought, but I pressed on. I just wanted to get it over with. I found a deserted bench on the grass somewhere – there was no way I was using one of the ones on the walkway – and sat down. It was wet. Great. What a way to start. A cool wind blew of the lake into my face, and I could feel it go through me. I closed my eyes. I have no idea what I’m doing. I opened them again. Why the fuck did I come here? I looked around. The place was deserted, probably because of the weather. Well, at least I don’t have to worry about seeing anybody. OK, here goes. I closed my eyes again, and took a deep breath. Is there something more? Is there something out there? I don’t know you. I don’t know if anything is there, listening, but here I am. I want to know if you’re there. I want to know if there is something more to life than just this. Surely, there’s got to be something.
Mike always said that too few people listen to god. They talk about him, they talk at him, and they talk to him. But how many actually wait to hear from him? I wondered what it would be like to be god, having one way relationships all the time. I figured that if I wanted to know if something was really there, I had to wait for an answer. I said this to Lisa once. She just laughed at me and said I could be waiting a life time. I don’t know. If I were a god being talked at all the time, I’d want to talk back, I think.
So I waited. I don’t know how long, but probably only a minute or two, but it seemed like ages. I couldn’t keep my mind on trying to listen. I didn’t even know what I was listening for. I wanted to keep as open as possible, kind of zoned out, but I couldn’t. I thought about all sorts of stuff: work, movies, Lisa, Mike. Eventually I opened my eyes again. What a waste of time that was.
I looked out over the lake. Some ducks were just taking off, leaving the emerging winter for some warmer place. There is something more. I’m here, you know. What the? Where did that come from? Its just my mind, I thought, just my own mind playing tricks. But then again: No, I’m here. Come with me. Let me show you something more.
I can’t say that I became I a bible bashing, card carrying, loud mouth Christian that day, but something changed. I know there’s something more now, and I know that God has something to do with it, but I don’t know exactly what. I need to find Mike and talk with him some more. Maybe we’ll go to that park on the north side. You know, I don’t think Lisa’d understand.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Looking for Coco
My sister-in-law has released a new album - Looking for CoCo. You can find her blog here. In short, this is a solid album from a mature artist, best listened to at high volume or in the close confines of good headphones.
I really should listen to albums in more settings before deciding what I think of them.
The first time I heard Looking for Coco was in my less than dodgy car stereo, ferrying my wife, son and weeks old daughter to the shops. My mind clearly not on the job, and the stereo most definately not up to the task, I was less than impressed. It's alright, I thought, but it won't set the world on fire. Her voice hasn't changed much, and the music isn't challanging. There is no complexity, no hidden gems for the attentive listener, and the marriage of music and lyrics seems more like a distant relative than an intimate relationship. Somehow I was expecting, hoping, for something much more.
As it turns out, I was just listening in the wrong setting.
Click the post title to continue reading...Now, I won't say that I was totally wrong - there are some things that continue to annoy me. They are, however, much fewer than I originally thought.
I next heard the album on our home stereo. I intended to listen more intently this time, knowing I needed to write this review. Distraction, children, and chores conspired against me, and again I came away uninspired. Finally, I took a copy to work and listened through my Philips SBC HP 200 headphones.
Finally, it all came alive.
Coralie's voice had the depth and character I so desired. At times she soars as high as faint whispery clouds, beautifully barely there, an acoustic reflection of purity and grace. At times it is tinged with pain and character, displaying her growth and muturity. In a modern pop world that favours immature, processed voices, her vocals are refreshingly rounded and balanced.
The lyrical content reflects the album's (and the final track's) title. Here are my experiences, she says, and this is what I think of them. Here I am. This is who I am, and who I am in God. She is gracefully honest, rather than blatently. Nothing offensive or shocking, just a plain presentation of her heart and struggles. Nothing is needlessly hidden nor presented. I'm convinced she believes what she's singing. This is not "Christian Music", it is music by a Christian.
The music too finally revealed what I missed: complexity and depth. In the close confines of headphones the parts separated. The common interjectory bass solos, percussion, and gorgeous 'cello of Emma West on My Child, all add to the pleasure. There is much to dig out of the tracks. One of my original frustrations that still stands however is that in places the music overpowers the vocals. It seems overly strong for the tender, self-revealing lyrics. Musically, dynamics are provided almost exclusively through orchestration, with any dynamics in the main vocal not similarly accompanied.
Special mention must be made of the track 5, Little Feet. Mourning over an unusual topic for pop, a lot is drawn out in an appropriately brief track.
At nine songs and only 32 minutes Looking for CoCo is surprisingly short, but despite its length it doesn't lack impact. This is a solid album from a mature artist, with both beautiful songs and challanging topics. Well worth a listen.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Looking backwards, looking forward...
Paul Simon again provides inspiration for a post...
Yesterday it was my birthday.
I hung one more year on the line.
Well, not really. It was the day before yesterday. I meant to post this yesterday, but was just too lazy!
I should be depressed, my life's a mess
Again, no, not really. My life is certainly not a mess, in fact, it could be said that it's looking up, professionally and spiritually.
But I'm having a good time
I'm constantly amazed that these two can be divorced! Am I having a good time? hmmm. On the most part yes...
Click the post title to continue reading why...Why isn't my life a mess? I can think of a number of reasons:
I'm definately having a good time! The only thing missing is my development as a musician. Its frustrating, that I can't seem to devote time even to practice. Perhaps, when things have settled a bit with the new job, and the kids, I'll see more of the way forward.
Over the 20 or so months I've spent here, I've seen and experienced some rather dodgy practices. Like changing dates on transactions in order to maximise tax benefits. It could be legal, it could not be. Either way, I'm not prepared to live in the gray.
You kind of expect your life to change when you go from being a couple to having one child. Nobody tells you that going from one to two is just as big a change! Zoe is 10 weeks old today. Everyday I thank God that we've got her this far, and indeed she seems to be growing and changing. Her smile is just wonderful! Her big bro is wonderfully loving with her, although at three he thinks he can do more than he can really safely do, resulting in frustration all round! A challange, but not one I'd pass up any day.
Oh, yes. Definately yes. I'll post more about this later, but needless to say that He is definately speaking into my life right now, and its not the usual (or expected), "You have to clean this up!" It's love, and overwhelming grace.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Lyrics: Something's Missing
More John Mayer - sorry!
Another track from Mayer's album Heavier Things. He certianly doesn't pull any punches in trying to work out the world. (I've posted about the 2004 Song of the Year, Daughters, before.)
The story here seems to be his own: as an artist, he has everything he ever wanted, everything the world says he needs, but something is missing. Something is not right within himself, and he can't work out what it is. The lyrics that really got to me form a kind of outro. He's trying to identify what could be wrong. The last two lines are the clincher.
Friends? check!
Money? check!
Well slept? check!
Opposite sex? check!
Guitar? check!
Microphone check!
Messages waiting on me,
when I come home? check!
How come eveything I think I need always comes with batteries?
Oh! What do you think it means?
Click the post title to see all the lyrics..
I'm not alone, I wish I was.
Cause then I'd know, I was down because
I couldn't find, a friend around
To love me like, they do right now.
They do right now.
I'm dizzy from the shopping mall.
I searched for joy, but I bought it all.
It doesn't help the hunger pains
and a thirst I'd have to drown first to ever satiate
Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
something's missing
And I don't know what it is
No I don't konw what it is at all
When autumn comes, it doesnt ask.
It just walks in, where it left you last.
You never know, when it starts
Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart.
Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
something's missing
And I don't know what it is
No I don't konw what it is at all
I can't be sure that this state of mind, is not of my own design
I wish there was an over the counter test, for loneliness.
For loneliness like this.
Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is
Something's different
And i don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is
Friends? check!
Money? check!
Well slept? check!
Opposite sex? check!
Guitar? check!
Microphone check!
Messages waiting on me,
when I come home? check!
How come eveything I think I need always comes with batteries?
Oh! What do you think it means?
Friday, July 15, 2005
On Greatness...
Troy is a dear friend of mine, living and working in Madrid, setting up a church with an arts basis. I've posted about them before. The more I explore writing, and read Troy's and Heather's blogs, the more respect I have for them as a man and woman of God, and how they have been gifted.
On Greatness - a letter to a friend.
No, its not me, but its still applicable. In a corporate environment its something I meet everyday, and get so easily am frustrated with. Learning to live how God has gifted me, without the comparison, the grab for power, or self-derogatory dialogue, is learning humility.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Flash Fiction: OffWorlder Guide
"Flash" fiction (less than 500 words) is something I'm really interested in. How do you create engaging characters and plot, so completely and yet so compactly. This one was inspired by the ideomancer site.
The morning sky was tinged with red. “Is that ‘shepherd’s warning’?” Temaya asked.
We packed the camp into sizable bags, lifting them one by one onto the portagrav. Slowly it raised itself a foot from the ground, and I lightly tapped the end to start it moving towards the sun.
Being an OffWorlder Guide was a curious thing. Now a few years after Contact, they still lived simply, even primitively. Many trekked across the hills and mountain ranges, experiencing our land in an attempt to understand us. In many ways I felt superior. Technology abounded, even permeated, our world, and yet they had contacted us.
Temaya preferred to walk rather than ride the portagrav. Out of courtesy I lumbered alongside him. ‘The OffWorlder is always right. Do not offend.’ was the rule. Besides, the ’grav probably couldn’t support us and the gear. It was a few paces ahead now, cruising towards the peak we were beginning to climb. Suddenly, it disappeared. Moments later a crash disturbed our silence. Temaya looked at me, curious. I ran for the peak, fearing the worst. It began to rain.
Click the post title to continue reading...
Sure enough, the rise gave way to a sheer drop – too steep for the portagrav to recoil from, and the drop too far for it to withstand. Our gear lay scattered like the spitting rain. I looked worriedly at the wreckage. We were miles from anywhere, and without our gear we wouldn’t survive the night, much less the trek to civilization. Temaya clambered up in his slow, dependable manner. He didn’t acknowledge me, but quietly turned and climbed down the cliff face.
There wasn’t much to be salvaged: some food, a bag, but none of the gear. The locator might be repaired. “This is bad”, I said. “We need to find shelter, and work out what to do next.” He smiled at me, and started walking again toward the sunrise. “Hey, come back”, I shouted, but not knowing what else to do, I followed him.
We covered twice the usual distance that day, even in the rain. I’d never realized how the ’grav slowed us down. That night Temaya dug a shelter, his huge hands quickly angling a hole for the two of us. Once inside he plunged his arms deep into the soil, time after time looking at the dirt he pulled out, murmuring in dissatisfaction. Eventually he pulled out something approving, smelled it, and, for a brief moment, he smiled. “Here,” he held it out to me, “Drink.” I tried not to laugh. This was dirt! He gently grabbed my hand, and poured some of the cool soil into it. Then he spat on some of his own, made a smooth paste, and licked at it.
We survived like that for the rest of the journey. Eight days in all. I never did get the locator to send a signal. After a while, I even gave up trying.Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Lyrics: Have A Good Time, Paul Simon
I've been listening to Negotiations and Love Songs: The Best of Paul Simon 1971 - 1986. Fabulous tracks, wonderfully simple tunes with engaging lyrics. This tune also has a great bass part to it. Another added to the 'to transcribe' list.
But more than that, Simon is commenting on the 1970's hedonistic, laid-back vacuity. Everything is going to be alright as long as I'm having "a good time". There is some recognition that something that might be wrong, but it doesn't matter, as long as all is well with me. How far have we really moved on?
The song closes with an incredibly complex, fast moving, angular sax solo, contrasting with the laid-back, easy groove. Two worlds collide.
Have A Good Time.
Paul Simon, from the album "Still Crazy After All These Years", 1975
Click the post title to see the all lyrics.
Yesterday it was my birthday.
I hung one more year on the line.
I should be depressed, my life's a mess,
But I'm having a good time.
Ooh, I been loving, loving, loving and loving.
I'm exhausted from loving so well.
I should go to bed, but a voice in my head says,
Aah, what the hell.
Chorus
Have a good time (Good time, baby)
Have a good time (Good time, child)
Have a good time (Have a good time, baby)
Have a good time (Have a good time)
Paranoia strikes deep in the heartland,
But I think its all over done.
Exaggerating this, exaggerating that -
They don't have no fun.
I don't believe what I read in the papers;
They're just out to capture my dime.
I ain't worrying and I ain't scurrying.
I'm having a good time.
Chorus
Have a good time.
Have a good time.
Have a good time.
Have a good time.
Maybe I'm laughing my way to disaster.
Maybe my race has been run.
Maybe I'm blind to the fate of mankind,
But what can be done?
So God bless the goods we were given.
And God bless the U. S. Of A.
And God bless our standing of living.
Lets keep it that way.
And we'll all have a good time
Chorus
Have a good time (Good time, baby)
Have a good time (Good time, child)
Have a good time (Have a good time, baby)
Have a good time (Have a good time)
repeat
mad sax solo
Monday, July 11, 2005
Coffee...
Well, no surprises here...
You Are an Espresso |
 At your best, you are: straight shooting, ambitious, and energetic At your worst, you are: anxious and high strung You drink coffee when: anytime you're not sleeping Your caffeine addiction level: high |
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Immutable.
One my hobbies at the moment is experimenting with writing. I've had a few "how to write" books out of the library, and this is an exercise from one of them. Write an eight line stanza inspired by the word "Immutable". I wrote this whilst mowing the lawn. Whilst I'm not really into writing poetry, and this is probably way too "artsy", I like it.
Immutable.
Unchangeable.
Impossible.
Immovable.
A man who is true,
Though his chosen words be few,
In a world that is pushing and demanding him
To change.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Books, books, books
This last six months I've managed to finish a number of books - I just haven't written about them!
Here's a list of the books I've managed to complete this year so far. Click on the post title to for short synopsis and opinion.
- Wild at Heart, John Eldridge
- The Purpose Driven Church, Rick Warren
- Too Busy Not to Pray, Bill Hybels
- Einstein's Heros, Robyn Arianrhod
- A Bridge Across Forever, Richard Bach
- The High Impact Church, Linus Morris
- Hamlet, William Shakespeare
Click the post title to continue reading...
- Wild at Heart, John Eldridge
- The Purpose Driven Church, Rick Warren
- Too Busy Not to Pray, Bill Hybels
- Einstein's Heros, Robyn Arianrhod
- A Bridge Across Forever, Richard Bach
- The High Impact Church, Linus Morris
- Hamlet, William Shakespeare
I've posted on this previously. Whilst at times Eldridge goes a little off track, I still think this is a vital read of Christian men.
At the time, I was preparing to lead a (new) home group in The Purpose Driven Life. I'd previously studied PDL with (old) my home group, and this time felt the need to get some more background on Warren's ideas. As it turns out, PDL is really just the personal application of the PDC. I'm not sure that all of the growth potential of PDL can be realised without the support of a PDC.
This is mostly good stuff. It is fairly American based, drawing on and being most easily applied to American society. However, he does encourage exploring how best to reflect the purposes using your own societal, cultural, and church expressions. Useful stuff.
This was our home group study before the 40 Days of Purpose began, and I continued reading it alongside the PDC. I think its what they call a "modern classic".
Hybels writes in a very easy style. At times he is instructive, at times he reflects on personal experience, whilst acknowledging that what works from him, may not work for me or you. This is sensible as much as it is useful, and make the book far more worthwhile as both a discovery in the need for paryer, as much as of prayer itself.
Hybels presents many different methods of prayer, including life, journaling, and ACTS: Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication (or Stuff, as I like to call it!) I have found this most useful, especially as Hybels goes on to the very important next stage: Listen. Once you have poured your heart to God, listen and look for His response. Prayer can be, but is often not, a two way communictation.
Very worthwhile. You may be put off by the lack of instruction, and emphasis on discovery.
My sister-in-law gives me the most interesting books. I hope she appreciates how important she is to me, and how well I regard her. We haven't had much of a chance to do so, but I'd love to sit down over a good beer (or something stronger!) and solve the world's problems. It would be a fun conversation.
Apparently Einstein had on his study wall pictures of the great and influential physcists that preceeded him. They were his heros. This book is not about Einstein himself, but about these men and their discoveries.
Popular science books have to tread a fine line of scientific accuracy and general appeal. Too technical a book, whilst accurate and encompassing, will not be embraced by the public. Yet if the science is presented too simply the meaningful impact and ramifications will certainly be lost. Arianrhod treads this line very carefully, having at least as much historical context and anecdontes as scientic content. At times she goes far into details, but only long enough to give an awe-inspiring appreciation for the work these men have done, and how they have shaped our modern world.
A good read. Don't be concerned about the physics; it is well explained.
Years and years ago I read Bach's breakththough title, Jonathon Livingston Seagull. This book is a few down the track, and chronicles the search for this soul mate and eventual marriage. Although autobiographical it is mostly written as story rather than fact, making it an easily approchable light read.
That is, until the last part of the book. Bach starts off self absorbed, self centered and he knows it. He openly warns his lovers that he will only look after himself, and not to be too concerned should they never see him again. It's his way. For the 1970's west coast Amercian setting this makes perfect sense. How he eventually comes to commit to a (standard) exclusive marriage is the bulk of the story. The last part describes his and his wife's exploration into alternative lives, spiritual oneness and other New Age fantasies (although not acknowledged as such). At this point, I just wanted him to stop. The tone moved from story telling to preaching, and I found his lack of credit and explanation both frustrating and annoying.
A nice read, ruined by the last 50 pages. Richard Bach is a fruit cake.
When we lived in Amsterdam we were members of Crossroads International Church. Being part of that body of believers was one of the most enriching and growing experiences I've ever had. At one time we even looked into joining their parent missions organisation, Christian Associaties, the president of which is the author of The High Impact Church.
This book is similiar in intent to The Purpose Driven Church. Both attempt to answer the question, how do we present Christ to people today, in a way that they will understand? HIC answers this by looking at church structures and programmes, as well as the underlying philosophies of reaching people, and the way to "do" church. I felt that this book, whilst useful, was sometimes too ingrained in a particular mould or set of expectations. At times Morris seemed to allow for local interpretation but more as a variation of the standard theme, than a different expression of the same theme. He seemed to often get bogged down in details of structure.
I'm sure that in many churches this will be a useful tool. It does give a lot of good "kick off" points for transforming a church into a more modern, approchable, relevant community. Worth taking a look at it.
I posted on this one a few days ago. A wonderful read. Shakespeare is so enriching. If you've studied Shakespeare in high school, I'd really encourage you to pick it up again. I think as you learn more about life, your appreciation the characters situations and how they chose to resolve them changes and deepens.
Well, that's about it. I may at some point expand on each of these - particularly The Purpose Drive Life and The High Impact Church. A comparison of thier approaches to modern church life and structure would, perhaps, be quite interesting.
Blessings,
pk
Friday, July 01, 2005
Playing with templates
Not really a very interesting post. More of a time marker for myself. What the "cool" kids call a meme, I think..
I've been playing with my blog template today, trying to incorporate an easy way to get the post summaries to work, and not having to edit too much HTML.
Click the post title to continue reading...
It looks like I might have actually succeeded. From now on, I'll try and keep the post summaries at useful level. Those interested enough can always click on through for the Big Picture.
pk
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Books 2: Hamlet, William Shakespeare
Actually, this about book 7, but I haven't had the time to write up the others to my own content. Even this is a bit rough, and not fully thought out. Sorry! So, after seeing it on my bookshelf out it came. At more than double the age at which I first read it I think I understand more of what Hamlet is going on about, and whole point Shakespeare is trying to make. Firstly through a few thoughts: Ok, stop right there. What would you do? In Shakespeare’s day revenge was perfectly ok, a natural part of life and death. Would you revenge your father? Would you wimp out? It is, after all, killing the king, too. Much has been made of Hamlet’s delay and considerations. He chooses to verify the ghost’s claim, and then act on it if necessary. In the meantime, he ponders the meaning of life and death – what does it mean to be alive? So many expectations and pressures have just been placed on him. Is life worth this much trouble? Eventually he feels caught by the situation, he wants to avenge his father’s murder, but he does not want to kill. Hamlet’s response is to go through with it. He takes out his anger and suspicion on a head of state and friend of the family (Polonius), and eventually in the dual that gets him killed. However, I think there are better responses. At least, I think there is a Christian response that must be considered. Jesus said, Give to Caesar what is his; Give to God what is His (Matt 22:17). Jesus was talking about money here. The implication being that we must pay our taxes, be good citizens, and uphold peace and order. Likewise, we need to honour God, love and serve Him, and do that all He expects of us. The same might apply to our morals and duties and the expectations of others that have sway over us. There needs to be a pecking order, so to speak, of the people to whom we give our time and energies. As with Jesus’ instruction, God is at the top of that. Underneath fall the government and those who are in positions of power over us, our employers, our family members and other people who speak into our lives. Hamlet’s tragedy is that he lets his society, and particularly the ghost of his father for whom he longs dictate his path. He talks about it. He talks about the uselessness of all talk and no action (another major theme in the play). He eventually falls into action as it overcomes him, rather than seeking it out himself. Without a Godly perspective he looses sight of better options. The only ones he has lead to death, and guilt, and more pain. Doesn't that still happen when we lose sight of God?
The last time I actually read through some Shakespeare was back in high school. Over five years I think I must have looked at more than a dozen plays, between English (and English Literature for graduation), and drama studies. Of course, Hamlet featured strongly in my final year. Our teacher was an ex-university Literature professor whose passion was clear but communication was poor. Despite having a very literary, annotated version of arguably Shakespeare’s greatest work, if not his most well-known, at 16 I don’t think I really “got it”.
Click the post title to continue reading...
Questions, questions, questions!
Ok, so I stole this from my friend Heather's blog. But at least it's an entry that is not going to take the usual 10+ hours of writing, rewriting, thinking and reworking. I really should learn to be less precise!
- How old where you when you had your first kiss?
I honestly can't remember. I probably received my first kiss when I was a few minutes old. I probably gave my first kiss when I was few years old. My first romantic kiss would've been more like 16, I think. - What do you think is your best feature?
My mind. - What is your favorite breed of dog?
Jack Russell Terror. But they take a lot of work! - If you could attend only one Olympic event, which would it be?
Hmmm... Probably swimming. - If you could invite any movie star to your home for dinner, who would it be?
Probably Sidney Poitier - If you where a car what kind would you be?
I'd love to have a MGB. It really is my dream car. However, I think I would probably be a station wagon of some kind. Practical & reliable. Everything the MG isn't! - What is your favorite number?
16. Not surprisingly my birthday. - Which Disney character are you most like?
I don't know enough about Disney movies to really comment. Perhaps Marlin, Nemo's dad. - If a movie was made about you, who would play you?
Why would somebody make a movie about me? - Have you ever been out of the country and, if yes, where? (list all places)
Lots of times. New Zealand. Indonesia. The Netherlands. Belgium. Germany. England. Scotland. Switzerland. Spain. France. Portugal. USA. Australia. - How many times have you flown in an airplane in the last twelve (12) months?
Zero. Zip. None. Nada. - If you were in a car sinking in a lake, what would you do first?
Take a deep breath. - If you where stuck at one age for the rest of your life, what age would you want it to be?
About 30. Just enough wisdom to be out of my arrogant youth. Still enough energy to make a good fist of things. - What is the weirdest thing that has ever happened to you?
Hmm... interesting. Lots of things crop up as strange, but nothing really as the weirdest. Perhaps having our luggage gone through numerous times by customs, for no apparent reason, at various airports. - What is the "coolest”" (or most unique) thing you have ever done?
Planning to live in Europe for two years. Staying for seven. Making the best friends I've ever had, deepening my relationship with God, and having a child all along the way. - What is the scariest thing that has ever happened to you?
Being in a car accident. The back end of a tow truck scraped along the drivers side (*me*) of our car, bending the chassis, and breaking both axles. Glass in your underwear is not a pleasant experience. - Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?
Yes. Its not as fun as its cracked up to be. - What is your favorite restaurant to eat at?
As we don't really have the funds to go out at the moment, I don't really have one. Perhaps eating a really good meal at home. With good friends, lovely food and wine, and great conversation. - What is your favorite non-alcoholic drink?
Coffee. Virtually anything with caffiene. - What is your biggest pet peeve?
Bad driving. Particularly people that pull up next to you when you're trying to cross a dual carriage way. Its just plain rude, not to mention dangerous. - What is the weirdest thing you have ever eaten?
African cuisine. Small piles of indescribable delicacies, all on a kind of thin bread / pancake base. You'd tear off a bit of the pancake, scoop up some topping and eat. A wonderfully social way of eating. - If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what song would you want it to be?
Only one? That would be torture. So many to chose from. Probably one of the following: Brahms, Cello Sonata in E; Steely Dan, Peg; Paul Simon, Kodachrome; or anything from Sting, Oscar Peterson or Paul Kelly. - If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?
xan - What is the best book you have ever read?
The Bridge of Birds, by Barry Hughart. - What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Their height. - What is the one thing you want to do before you die?
Record an album. Mostly bass solos and my own songs. - What is the most outrageous thing you would love to do?
Record and play with any number of very talened musicians, and go on tour. - What is your favorite board game?
The Settlers of Catan. - If you could have any job, what would it be?
Running a church arts ministry. I used to limit this to just the music side, but I realise that my interests are so much more. Especially in terms of integrating the different arts. - What, in your opinion, is the worst way to die?
Alone. - If a genie granted you three wishes, what would you wish for?
1. Never to have too much, nor too little. (Proverbs 30:8-9)
2. To always be assured of a friendship I can rely on. (Joshua 1:5)
3. To continue to learn and improve myself.
Hang on, aren't these God's promises? ;-) - If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?
Back to Europe. And live there. For good. - What is one thing you could not go more than a week without?
Coffee!! - In the last three years, what is one thing you would have done differently?
Not sold our apartment in The Netherlands.
Stayed in The Netherlands.
Got a job I wanted, rather than one I needed. - What is, in your opinion, your most appealing quality?
My mind - although that is fairly arrogant!
Monday, June 20, 2005
Zoe Alina
Ok, so here's the little thing that's been keeping me from blogging the last month. Zoe was born 9 June, at 9.38pm. All is well. Praise God for a wonderful little girl!
Zoe Alina
Pappa, Xander and Zoe
Three day old feet
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Books 1: Wild At Heart
Part of my goals for 2005 is to read and review 12 books. Here's the first one, completed in January. Writing the review was the hard part!
Wild at Heart. John Eldridge.
I think Wild at Heart is a valuable book in the discovery of authentic Christian masculinity. Eldridge recognizes that masculinity in general is at a crossroads. In our efforts to recognize the importance of femininity, and embrace equality between the sexes, we have removed the need for the differences of the sexes. It could be argued that Masculinity has been ravished at the expense of Femininity. As Eldridge puts it, “We teach boys to be soft and kind and caring, and then complain that there are no real men. Where are all the men, we ask. Why, you asked them to be women.”
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the Equality movement. I do earnestly believe that women and femininity hold a very important place in the world; but only in balance with men and masculinity. The two must go hand in hand. I’m not talking about gender roles here, or societal stereotypes. I’m talking about how God made the male and female psyche different and unique. We need to recognize and value those differences, rather than dictate that everyone need necessarily become an undefined mix
As is not unexpected, Eldridge has come under criticism for open theology, unbiblical views of manhood and womanhood, simplicity, and a whole host of other attacks. What he attempts is to free the idea of manhood of preconceived ideas, and wonders what it could be like if fully placed under the authority of God. I don’t agree with all that he has to say. However too often we find ourselves conforming to the expectations around us, rather than placing receiving our worth from God, and those He loves. This is just another arena which requires salvation.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
The Music In My Head
I’ve just realized that something I do may not be all that normal… (OK, so maybe its not just the one thing. Please, no snide remarks!)
It’s very natural for me to sing my way through a day. A song gets stuck in my head, or perhaps snippets of a song. A couple of lines, the chorus, part of a verse that leads into it, the bridge perhaps. Often I really only know that section well enough to be comfortably assured I’ve got it right. Or it might be new lyrics I’m toying with, trying to mould them into some kind of basis for a song. Under my breath, whilst I’m doing something else or trying to concentrate on something more dutiful, there, in the back of my mind, a song keeps repeating, like a needle jumping on an old 33.
At the moment, its John Mayer’s "Daughters":
They learn to love like you do
Girls become lovers, who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Caving
(An experiment in descriptive prose)
I’ve just replaced the CD in the player. “Idea of North” – a cappella and finger snaps in soft, relaxing jazz. Music with real tunes, and beats content to keep time and to play a part in a much larger whole, without the need to dominate and control. Being on holiday is such a restful change.
But today was different: toilets to the right, reception straight ahead. Reception? At a cave? Through the portal cut into a simple wooden shed, a woman greeted us with a genuine smile, honestly asking if she could help. I explained we were interested in the entering the cave, and she ran us through the procedure: hard hats; torches; no food or drink. Keep to the path; don’t touch the walls. Fine, I said, and she grabbed a pen to write a receipt for our entry. Since when did you have to pay to enter a cave?
The path to the gate was easy enough; the steps further down into the cave a little steeper. At the platform were signs. One reminded us of the rules, one had a map, and one described the cave’s opening. Go left first, she had said. There are more natural light holes. It gives your eyes times to adjust. So down we went, to the left.
The next platform showed us the abseiling area. A round wooden target, placed somewhat beneath a gap in the ceiling, barely large enough to scramble through. The dark further down started to encroach on the faint light our torches threw out.
The paths were wooden and steel, and they made little sound beneath our sneakers. At times the waist high hand rails left the path and it’s occupants to their own devices, only to catch up later when (ironically) the going became easier. The rails sank with the ceiling, at times only knee height, if that. When crouched, they weren’t much use, except perhaps to sit on and admire the view.
At first the torches seemed useless: far too dim to be of any real use in the dark. But as our eyes adjusted, the faint electric light grew to be appreciated, even loved; their power magnified by the absolute lack of any other source. How drenched we are in illumination!
After scrambling up and down, high and low, we reached the civilized cave’s end. A small, static merry-go-round of benches invited in the darkness. Yet another sign echoed my thoughts: Sit. Turn off the light. Listen. Experience the originality of a cave.
The utter pitch is hard to describe. Even black paint has a shine and reflection that a cave surpasses. Closing your eyes brought only a physical change – the sensation of eyes being shut – there was no difference in their record. “Blackness”, “darkness” do not describe it adequately, such was the complete lack of light. Eyes became superfluous.
But sound was constant. The only way to navigate, to place yourself amongst your surrounds, was by the ever “drip, drop”, as stalactites edged their way towards their stalagmite children. Here. Now behind. To the left or the right. The sounds of the droplets pierced the darkened silence like a magician stabbing swords into a box containing his quietly terrified assistant. Each dropped alone – not to be repeated for hours, perhaps days, as the water seeped through the soil and rock above. In between, the dark engulfed all other senses.
Turning on the torches we were eager to see the cascade of droplets, as though the sound was not satisfying enough. But it was easier to
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
English with Mr. Brown
When I was 14 I had a Science teacher named Mr. Brown. He was your typical mad scientist - and yet as stern as could be. As a teacher he was a total control freak! On top of it all he spoke with such a thick Scottish accent that it was sometimes hard to understand what he was saying. We all called him "Ma Brun".
On one particular day my English teacher was away sick, so Mr. Brown took us for English. To this day I have no idea why. He even had the class relocate to his science lab. We were discussing the English language - its size, parts thereof and so on. One question he asked was, "How big is English? How many words do you think there are?" Some kids said 10,000, 100,000 or maybe more, and Mr. Brown just kept telling them they were wrong. I suggested that English really is infinite. New words are being invented and used every day; words that didn't exist years ago, or even yesterday. It’s a growing, moving, changing language.
I was so berated by Mr. Brown that at the end of the lesson I left the classroom virtually in tears. I thought my answer may have appealed to his scientific mindset. Evidently not.
Ma Brun went on to tell us how stupid we all were. He guessed that there were about 50 million (or some such number) words in the English language, and that we probably only knew a few hundred thousand.
TC&GB, pk
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Boiling Water
This is based on a real event, although nothing nearly as an antagonistic! It's also an experiment in really short fiction. I set myself a maximum of 500 words here.
He insisted on re-boiling the kettle.
“It’s only just boiled”, I said.
“I know”, he said, yet he continued to hold down the button, forcing the overworked element to reignite within the already bubbling water. I wondered what it was he was trying to achieve. I mean, how much more boiled can water be? It obviously believed it was hot enough for his waiting tea bag. I stood and looked at my brewing coffee. It was all I could do not to point out his obvious lack of confidence in the kettle.
“You’re in the IT department, aren’t you?” he asked. He continued to hold the button down as the water raised its voice.
“Yeah. I’m working on a new version of the Package Manager.”
“Oh great. It’s not doing what it should be doing. The calculations are broken. I can’t get it to agree with my numbers.”
“Oh, I see. Well, can you send me through an example? I’ll have a look at it, but I can’t guarantee anything. Everything gets checked before it goes out, you know.”
“Yeah sure, but I hope you find the bug soon – I can’t really trust it, you know?”
“Thanks. I’ll let you know if I find anything.” I left. I couldn’t wait for this guy to re-boil his water.
The coffee renewed my brain cells. Ah, sweet ambiance of caffeine, what would I do without you? Moments later an email came through from Mr Faithless Technology:
Just met you in the kitchen. Can’t find figures at the mo, but please check car
insurance calculations. They don’t add up.
And that was it. No name, no details, no examples. Just, “It’s wrong.” Thanks very much.
Nevertheless I looked at the program, running a few of my own tests as well as the official testing script. No problems. It made me wonder what was going on. Was there a special case we might have missed? How was he calculating the figures? The method wasn’t simple, but it was well known. I decided to let it go; discretion is the better part of valour, and all that.
A couple of days later we crossed again in the kitchen. He was still holding down the kettle’s button.
“Hi. Did you find that problem?”
“No, nothing yet. I’ve run all the usual checks. I was wondering if you had a chance to find your calculations.”
“Oh, no. I’ve moved on from that to the health insurance group. I think there might be some problems there, too.” He finally relieved the kettle of its boiling.
“Ok. Well, same deal: send through an example and we’ll have a look at it.” I decided my coffee could wait.
“We really need to get a new kettle, you know”, he called out as I opened the door.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Enjoying Worship
Phil's note: This was kindly published here, with some additions and alterations. Check it out for a version I'm happier with, but still not really complete!
At music rehearsal on Monday night, we had quite a discussion about what our expectations were when we come to play at a service. It was an interesting exchange of ideas. Concurrently, and totally unrelated, another interesting discussion has been going on in ChurchBass about Performance vs Worship. (I need to read more of that thread!) Here are a few ideas.
Worship is not about you. It's about God.
How many times have you said, or heard said, "I got a lot of the worship today", or "The worship didn't feel that great today"? Sorry, but that's entirely the wrong attitude! Worship is for God - to proclaim Him as God. Its not about getting a nice, warm fuzzy feeling. Its about putting God in his rightful place, regardless of how we feel about it.
Sometime I think that we expect the order of events to be:Worship -> Good Feelings -> Presence of God
That is, if through our worship we get good feelings, and deduce that we have sensed the presence of God. I think this is the wrong way around. What is the purpose of worship? To raise up another, not yourself. Do you cheer on a football team to feel good about yourself, or to encourage and raise up the team? So:
Worship -> Presence of God -> Good FeelingsThat is, our worship should remind us and instill in us the presence of God, out of which flow the good feelings.
Compare this with James' theology of faith and works.
NOT: works-> salvation -> faithBy our faith in Christ we are saved. God himself came to us. It is out of our salvation that good works come. The works are our response to God, they do not justify us to God.
BUT: faith -> salvation -> works
So I think it is with worship. The goal of worship shouldn't be the nice feelings, it should be putting God in His rightful place. However, out of that adoration of God good feelings may come. But if they don't, that's ok, because our feelings are not what worship is all about. We are secondary. God must be put in his rightful place.
This has a couple of ramifications:
Worship is not just music!
This first point is very important. Anything that puts God in his rightful place in our lives is worship. So often we've (I've!) restricted the idea of worship to just music, or even a particular style of music. But if worship is about God, then its more than what we do, or how we do what we do.
Style becomes irrelevant, and may even be an hindrance!
Me, I'm a jazz / funk man, myself. I get great enjoyment through playing and listening to that kind of music. Worshipping through that style is great fun for me. However, in doing so, I can actually focus more on the music, and less God. Hence, my worship becomes of the music - not God. Any music, or dance, or reading, or anything, that puts God above all, where He belongs, is worship.
Worship is much more varied than I have ever experienced!
The last point I want to make is this: Any way that I can put God first in my life is worship. It doesn't have to be singing. It doesn't have to be in a Church, or in a service, or even amongst other believers. I can worship God by remembering His attributes whilst driving. I can worship by evaluating a sitcom on TV, and reflecting on how it matches up with His plan for my life. I can worship by stopping writing in my blog, and getting back to doing some work!
Explore different ways of worship, and let me know how you get on.
pk
Monday, February 21, 2005
Goals: Scriptures 3 of 12
Worship: You were planned for God's Pleasure
(This is the second of the memory verses from the 40 Days.)Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all you mind and with all your strength.
Mark 12: 30
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
The Vicious Circle - a new ending
Over at InFuze they've run a competition to provide a new ending to Matt Bronleewe's story, The Vicious Circle. Here is my new ending to the story. Its not as polished as I would've liked, but it will do. I guess this counts as my first piece of fiction for the year. Yay! Warning: its not particuarly "Christian". In fcat, you could see it as a tradgedy, of sorts. And it kind of makes fun of the whole pulp fiction genre. There are some seriously corny lines in there!
Really, you should go on to InFuze, and sign up. Its free, and is a wonderful mix of arts: interviews, reviews, writing, poetry, art. The only thing its missing is a music section! ;-) (Then again, I might be biased...)
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