Accountability

her·e·tic
Pronunciation: 'her-&-"tik
Function: noun
1 : a dissenter from established church dogma;
2 : one who dissents from an accepted belief or doctrine

Two other guys gather into my living room whilst our wives meet elsewhere; each group forming a conclave of trust as our children sleep. Tension veneered with relaxed indifference is peppered with small talk; catching-up since we’ve last met. Each us know why we were here, but none of us want to openly admit the reason for needing this, or each other, as badly as we do. Drinks are offered, cushions rearranged on suddenly uncomfortable couches, conversation draws to silence, and someone suggests we get started. Somehow I’m nominated to open us in prayer.


Click the post title to continue reading...

Lord Jesus, thank-you for bringing us here tonight, safely. We pray that you’ll watch over our wives as they meet also. Father, we offer this time to you to be made more like you. As we share our lives together, speak into us and through us. Make us more into the men you’ve created us to be. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

Nervous looks dart around the room like a frightened mouse. For a second the silence continues, but finally I offer it up, ‘Ok, I’ll go…’. And so begins the fortnightly accounting of my life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the spiritual, the not-so spiritual, the victories, the down-right sinful, and all the inner workings of my thoughts and actions.

In the days before we meet my stomach turns knots, trying somehow to hold within itself all that it is about shed. My soul writhes like a snake overgrown beneath the sin enveloping it, choking and restraining it. In order to grow further, the old skin needs to come off. But the process is painful, and it takes time, and it leaves you open and vulnerable. Like picking at dry flaky scales, prayer offers some relief. It at least calms me to the process, knowing that the get-together is in itself growth towards holiness. Every time we meet, a little bit more comes away.

We start by recalling our memory verses – something we’ve chosen to teach us, build us up, or correct our thinking. One by one we recite our latest scripture, with reference, each trying to out do the others with length, complexity and flawless repetition. Even here a guy’s competitive nature is not put aside! One falter, and there are sideways glances, half encouraging, half hoping to have at laugh at your less than perfect memory. The ice broken, we move on to more serious matters.

The usual stuff is talked about. How are we treating our wives? Our children? How is our time with God, one-on-one? Are we making the best of our resources? Is our thought life in line? What’s going on at work? Nothing is forced out – I’m free to choose what I share. My guys know they can ask anything, and equally I can say, ‘Don’t go there. I don’t want to talk about that.’ But we’re here to open ourselves, to get deeply into each other’s lives. What stays hidden stays unchallenged, and easily festers, infecting the good that remains in us.

We talk things through, mull things over, and generally challenge each other and ourselves on what we do and how we think. I often feel as though my metal is not iron, but yet we seem to sharpen each other.

Eat Less, Do More

There is no way you could call me a health nut. I love coffee and chocolate way too much be called health conscious! And I don't think I've ever lasted more than an hour on any diet known to man.

I was reading today that the latest craziness in diets might not actually be good for you. Low-carb diets can be unhealthy, and, The 'Glycemic index' is questionable as a diet tool. (Thereby making low-GI diets questionable). It seems that the only "breakthroughs" made in the world of dietary science requires complex counting, careful (some might say laborious) food selection, restriction of something that you probably enjoy, and may even be dangerous!

With all that said, I've managed to lose about 10 kgs (20-25 lbs) in the last 6 months. Along with eating healthily, there is only one rule I go by:

Eat Less.
Do More.

Hardly rocket science, is it? But for some reason, simple, straight forward, easy solutions aren't really in fashion. The more complicated you make things, the better the diet is...
Bolderdash, I say.

Eating healthily is key, of course. Fruit, vegetables, grains, fish, a little meat. A little bit of everything actually. But I still enjoy chocolate, and I still get the day started with fresh coffee (preferably straight into the blood stream, but drinking it is more pleasurable!). Keep it simple. Eat less. Do more. Just walking from the bus to the office a few times a week (its about 20-30 minutes one way) is all its taken. Allow yourself to indulge. Just keep it in check.

Does it mean I'm hungry sometimes - why yes, it does! Is this a bad thing? Why no, I don't think it is. You know, after a while, your body adjusts.

I could make a lot of this, and use the analogy for all sorts of things. Prayer comes to mind. Act less. Pray more. Then surely all my works will be more in line with acts of God. But I'll resist the temptation to make this yet another religious, philosophical diatribe.

Eat Less. Do More. Its the only sure fire way I know to become healthier.

Missing home?

My old pastor (and a friend) Brian has posted more about his adjustment from expat life. He writes far more succicently than I!

Dear Brian,

I wanted to respond on your post, Missing home, but I fear my thoughts are too long, and perhaps a little too self indulgent for a blog comment.

I appreciate you sharing your journey like this – in many ways it’s validated all that Alice and I have been through. We’ve few people around us who have lived the expat life and returned to the country of origin with a certain uncertainty. Certain of what we were doing. Not quite certain why, or to what to end.

Click the post title to continue reading...Home is a funny word for me. Sometimes I laugh at the concept, sometimes I can’t stand to think about it. Sometimes I catch myself mid sentence, “When we returned home in 2003…“, and it doesn’t feel quite right. For a long time, even now, the house, suburb and city, even Australia itself, has simply been where we live. We are here, but are we really “home”?

The feeling is unique. Things are familiar and in many aspects bland, for they lack the simple adventure of living outside of what was the “home”. It’s like going one too many times to the same holiday camp. Everything is as expected, and the familiarity breeds boredom and a restlessness that robs you of the relaxation and change of scenery you so desperately need.

I envy your opportunity to return to Amsterdam. I know that even if I returned now it would not be as I remember. Our friends have moved from the places we knew them in. The rolling sea of Crossroads I’m sure I could navigate, but only by the few landmarks that remain from our time. Mostly though, there is something in my soul that needs to put Crossroads, Amsterdam, and Europe to rest. I need to see it moving on, changing and growing without me. I need resolve the loss. Sombrely, it is like visiting the grave of an important high school teacher – to finally put that part of your life behind you, say thank you one more time, and move on.

There is a certain deep theology in the expat life: to be not where you really belong – out of your depth, with only memories and faith and wit to live by. And there is still yet deeper meaning in the adjustment of returning: the profound understanding that places are places, and not really home but a sort of makeshift analogy, with emotion ascribed in an attempt to feel “at home”. I wish I could live by these words, but I’m frail, and weak minded, and have the need of some tangible sensorium to reinforce my being.

I’m glad you’ve found your home.

Blessings,

Phil

Lyrics: The Mountain

From Steven Curtics Chapman's Heaven in the Real World

This would have to be one my most loved songs. Its not just the lyrics, although they are oustanding, nor it is the music, which is fantastic. There is great interplay between the instruments and voice. They both support and complement one another. It even it has a great bass part, one I've been meaning to transcribe for many years.

No, its the heart of the song that brings me close to breaking point every time I hear it.
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I guess the reason is that the heart of the song is about God's love for his people. He wants to have close, personal times with each of us, one on one. As the song says, I cherish the times up on the mountain. Those times with God where all earthly concerns diminish to vanishing point. The times where you come back having had a glimpse of Heaven, to have really experienced God closely.

And yet, those are times are not for themselves. The real purpose of going up the mountain is to go down the other side. We're headed for the valley, to the low times, to the people that don't know the what's up on the mountain.

Close times with God are great. As always though, God gives you something to do something with it. The time up the mountain is for the time down in the valley. You can't have one without the other.


I want to build a house up on this mountain
Way up high where the peaceful waters flow
To quench my thirsty soul
Up on the mountain

I can see for miles up on this mountain
Troubles seem so small they almost disappear
Lord I love it here
Up on the mountain

My faith is strengthened by all that I see
You make it easy for me to believe
Up on the mountain
Oh, up on the mountain

I would love to live up on this mountain
And keep the pain of living life so far away
But I know I can't stay,
Ohh.. up on the mountain

I said I'd go Lord wherever you lead
For where you are is where I most want to be
And I can tell we're headed for the valley (yes we are)

My faith is strengthened by all that I've seen
So Lord help me remember what you've shown me
Up on the mountain

Yeah...

You bring me up here on the mountain
For me to rest and learn and grow
I see the truth up on the mountain
And I carry it to the world far below

So as I go down to the valley
Knowing that you will go with me
This is my prayer Lord help me to remember what you shown me
Up on the mountain
Up on the mountain

I cherish these times up on the mountain
But I can leave this place because I know
Someday you'll take me home to live forever
Up on the mountain

Up on the mountain
Way up on the mountain
Yeah!

Up on the mountain
Way up high where the peaceful waters flow
Up on the mountain

Up on the mountain
On the mountain, the mountain
yoo hoo!

Oh the Heat...

Should've been posted yesterday.
Every morning I listen to the 6 am news, just before getting up, or (more likely) rolling over and getting a few more minutes shut eye... This was the beginning of the report from our local Christian station, SonshineFm

Its a few minutes past six. We're headed for a top today of 39 degrees, with the chance of a possible thunderstorm. Right now, its 27. Good morning, I'm ...

Urgh!

Seventy Times Seven...

Well, not quite. And no, its not a post about forgiveness! There is a little thing called The Sevens that has been doing the blogs 'round for a while now. Heather said she didn't know anybody who hadn't done it... Well, this'll teach her! Questions are here, find the answers by clicking the post title.

The Sevens

Seven things to do before I die
Make a CD of music for and about my family
Write and publish a novel
Build up artists within in the church
Adpot a child
Live in Eurpoe again
Make my own, quality software
Love my wife even more

Seven things I cannot do
Be consistently kind to myself
Listen to Country and Western music without laughing! (Thanks, Heather!)
Drink instant coffee
Look back without thinking "What if?"
Be totally convinced that I am absolutely right
Play a good improvised jazz bass solo
Paint or Draw

Seven things that attract me to my wife
Her smile
Her laugh
The way she cares for our children
Her incredible talent
Her humility
The way she supports and encourages me when I need it most
Her body (hey, I'm a guy!)

Seven things I most often say
(laugh!)
All-righty then!
OK.
I'm sorry.
um...
Coffee?
Have you thought about... ?

Seven books I love
The Bible (The Message Remix in particular)
The Bridge of Birds
Design Patterns: Elements of Reusable Object-Oriented Software
The Inner Game of Music
Hamlet
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
The Heart of the Artist

Seven movies I could watch over and over again
Star Wars (Episode IV - renamed, A New Hope)
The Princes Bride
The Wizard of Oz
Lord of the Rings 1, 2 & 3
Being There (although I haven't seen in many a year!)
The Matrix
The Red Violin (Thanks Zoe, for introducing us to this)

Seven People I want to join in too...
Ok, this one is hard...
Brian (if he hasn't already)
Chris & Coz, by proxy I guess
Wulf
Phil (although I'm not sure he really would)
well, I got to four!
Click the post title see all the answers!

Mould Pilots Robot

At university I did an honours project in robots controlling themselves (Autonomous Robotic Control in a Dynamic Environment was the title - how droll! So, anyway, I have a minor interest in these things...

Now this is just plain WOW! (research paper) Are we one step closer to Daleks, or The Borg?

Philippians 4:8

Memory Verse time...

Finally Brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is noteworthy or praiseworthy, think about such things.

I guess like a lot of guys, I have some trouble keeping thoughts pure. That's a real admission, but before condemning me take a look at your own thought life. Is it really as true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable as you want it to be? As God wants it to be?

Anyway, that's a different topic all together! The focus of this post is trying to examine what this verse says. At first glance, it seems to be fairly restrictive - think only about those things that the have attributes mentioned above. Wow! Its hard to come up with something that has all those attributes.. I mean, almost anything could be excluded for some for lack of conformity.

But perhaps its not so hard. What happens if we think about it backwards?

Click the post title to continue reading...You'd probably get something like this...

Finally Brothers, whatever is a lie, whatever is unrespectable, whatever is just plain wrong, whatever is impure, whatever is ugly, whatever is rotten, if anything is trivial or plain, don't think about such things.

What is this telling us? I think, when we compare these two versions, they tell us something very important about our thought-lives. We need to think about positive things - things that help and encourage us. Things that build us up and support us. We don't need to think about things that tear us down, or that innately we know are "just plain wrong".

I've used the comparison of noteworthy / trivial, praiseworthy / plain here which I think is particularly helpful Of course there are other ways of negating Paul's words, and I'd appreciate a scholar's comments on what they should be!

Anyway, I think this comparison tell us that God wants us to THINK BIG! The plain, the ordinary, the insignificant - these should not be our dreams in God. But the exceptional, the extraordinary, the meaningful, the notable, these should be what we dream of. Paul encourages us to not only think of the good things that God has put before us, but the amazing things too, to allow God to inspire us to the biggest plans possible, and then some.

But I can understand why Paul puts it in the positive. It's like that old trick - Don't think of pink elephant! What do you do? Immediately you think of a pink elephant! Trying to think of wonderful things might be hard, but trying to think of loathsome things, only to reject them, isn't helpful at all!

So finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is noteworthy or praiseworthy, think about such things.

Happy Wintereenmas!

To gamers everywhere, Happy Wintereenmas!

Happy Wintereenmas!

I've never been really much of a gamer. For some reason the "Shoot! Maim! Kill! Kill! Kill!" thing I've never really seen as enjoyable. I guess its a reflection on my character and interests, but I've much more enjoyed playing adventure games - Zork or Kings Quest (back in the day) for example - to just mindlessly shooting anything that moves.

But even still, I have an appreciation of games, regardless of their genre. I've had my time of being immersed in a game to the virtual exclusion of all else. Time can certainly seem to stop whilst you're working on the latest puzzle, or wondering how to defeat the latest giant. Very easily can the world a game encompasses become your own.

Which is why I was so saddened to read this.

Click the post title to continue reading about games, and the value of life...It's a sad thing when anybody loses their life. Its very sad when they feel the need to take it.

I'm not suggesting that the games had any direct involvement in Mitch's death. However, as with anything we do, I'm sure they created a mindset that contributed to his outlook on life.

Anything you let into your mind has an effect on it. Its what you let in that helps define you who are. It determines your viewpoints, what you accept, what you don't, and what is borderline. The only problem is, and I know from personal experience, that after a while the boaderlines start moving. What was unacceptable once has now become vaguely acceptable. Not being cautious about what you let in leaves you on a very slippery slope.

If you don't already know, Jack Thompson is an outspoken conservative lawyer in America fighting the gaming industry seemingly single handedly. See the link above, about three-quarters down the page, for the comment he gave on Mitch's death. This I also find sad. Did Jack value Mitch's life? I don't think so. He used the occasion to push his own agenda.

Which, actually, is not a bad agenda to push, I think. Whilst I enjoy games there do need to be some limits. Not every game needs to graphically display all that it can. Controversy doesn't need to be the selling point - good game play and an enjoyable story were the original tickets, what's gone so wrong that we need to resort to violence and sex? I think that in many respects game companies have cheapened themselves by relying on the controversy and graphic depictions. They've taken the easy way out.

It's like the liquor industry relying on people getting drunk to sell their wares. Sure, some people do, and we all know the results. Alcohol can be enjoyed responsibly, but alcohol abused is an ugly thing. That's why there are strict controls on it, and social norms frown on giving it children. There's still that market for it - just ask any teenager - only they're not allowed to advertise with children in mind. How do we do that with games? How do we get the hardcore, graphic games into the hands that can handle them, and out of those that can't. Graphic games limited to those over 21? Bans and strict controls on advertising?

So, enjoy your games. They can be a wonderfully creative, fun experiences. Just don't let them control your life, or your thinking. You do so at your own peril.

I Am Not A Heretic!

And I've got the test results to prove it!

You scored as Chalcedon compliant. You are Chalcedon compliant. Congratulations, you're not a heretic. You believe that Jesus is truly God and truly man and like us in every respect, apart from sin. Officially approved in 451.

Actually, on the results, I apparently have Monophysitism tendencies, and influences of Pelagianism, Apollinarian and Nestorianism. Now if I only I knew what they were!

Are you a heretic?
created with QuizFarm.com

Modern Nursery Rhymes

My son's child care centre modifies the nursery rhymes we've taught him. He's often taken us off guard when he comes home with these new versions.

Sometimes they teach him things...

Twinkle twinkle traffic lights,
Standing on the corner, fairy lights.
Red means Stop!
Green means Go!
Yellow is the light if you need to wait.
Twinkle twinkle traffic lights,
Standing on the corner, fairy lights.

Sometimes its just bizarre...

Baa baa pink sheep have you any spots?
'Yes sir, yes sir, lots and lots.
One on my nose, and one on my tummy,
One on my toes, and that's not very funny.'
Baa baa pink sheep have you any spots?
'Yes sir, yes sir, lots and lots.'

Humour - A Great Blonde Joke

I'm not normally one for these types of things but this joke is really, really good.

Leaving Home To Go Home

Catapult Magazine have published a revised version of the Leaving... blog entry. I've really appreciated, and learnt a lot, through working with Kirstin Vander Giessen-Reitsma, the Catapult editor. Its really focused the article, taking a lot of the "Christianese" out, and making it more approachable, and hopefully understandable, for those that haven't faced this kind of dilemma.

Thanks once again, Kirstin.

Two Views of Christmas ... or ... The Parent I Want To Be

With 2005 almost said and done, here are a couple of events from the past few days that have stuck in my mind.

1. The Parent I Don't Want To Be

Ok, so it's a couple of days to Christmas, and we're out as a family (mum, dad and two kids) at the local mall getting a few last minute things together. My wife desperately wants to get some prints done of digital photos, so we burn to a CD at home, and are now in front of one of those "self serve" print machines. You stick the CD in, make a few selections on the touch screen, and a take your order to the counter to pay.
Click the post title to read more...
We're in the middle of this process when a lady comes in with a shopping trolley full to the hilt, including a toddler in the front seat. She waves a memory stick up in the air and asks how to use the machine. From next to us a sales assistant tells her where to insert it, and then to follow the prompts. She seems happy enough, and gets on with her order.

By this time, we've finished making our selection and go to the counter to pay for the prints and find out when they'll be ready. We also need to pick up prints from a roll we'd put in earlier in the week.

So, we're standing there, looking at the prints, and the lady pushes her overloaded trolley round to the counter. "Where are the prints?", she asks the assistant. "Well, they'll take about five minutes. Can I have your order slip?" "Oh, no, sorry", she says, "I don't have time to wait five minutes. Just cancel the order. I thought they just came right out."

"Oh, they'll only be a few minutes."

"No, I don't have time to wait. Just cancel the order." And she shoves off.

I don't get it. Five minutes. That's all it would take. By the time she'd finished paying they'd be just about done. She must've spent at least that in making her selection, and arguing with the assistant.

What really gets me though, is this is what she was modeling to her kid. Impatience. Demands. Rudeness. If I don't have it my way, I'm not going to have it at all. That's definitely not the parent I want to be.

2. The Parent I Do Want To Be

Thankfully this view of Christmas is a much happier one. I'm out the front of our house, mowing the lawn. I'm feeling a little self conscious with my Akubra hat on, sunglasses, and loads of sunscreen. Our house is on a slip road, next to a major road with three lanes in each direction, and a median strip. On the other side is the local mall (from above). It is a convenient place to live, if a little noisy sometimes, and definitely exposed if you're working on the front garden

So I'm mowing away, and a car I don't know pulls up onto our curb. It's big four-wheel drive. The kind that never sees any off road work, but the driver feels 'safer" on the city roads, for some reason. A man is driving, and from the passenger side out hops his teenage son, dressed in a uniform, clearly from one of the fast food places at the mall. The son comes around to the drivers side, and they say goodbyes, and he then starts to cross the busy road.

What happens next just about floors me. The dad pulls away and turns around in our street. By this time the son is halfway across the major road, waiting for the traffic to clear. Without his son knowing, the man stops on our street where he can see his son. He waits there just long enough to see his son cross the road safely, and then drives off, happy that he has safely delivered his son to work.

That's the parent I want to be. One that has a great relationship with his son, and cares for him, even when he doesn't know it.

Have a great 2006. See you in the New Year.

Margin

My friend and former pastor, Brian, blogged about having "margin" time. An interesting concept, I think. A long and rambling post. I just hope you can get through it!! ;-)

How much margin is in your life? I know in mine, there's not much at all.

By "margin" I mean time to sit around and read, think, observe people going here and there. I think it's more than just time to "veg out", doing nothing. Whilst it might be physically inactive, margin time is still very active - at least, it is for me.

Click the post title to continue reading...My schedule basically looks like this:

Monday to Friday:

• Get up & shower
• Get my 3 year old up, dressed, and having breakfast
• Take the bus to work
• Work
  
• Take the bus home again
• Help my wife finish off preparing dinner, and have it with our kids
• Get the kids washed and to bed
• Monday and Tuesday nights I work from home
• Wednesday night is Home Group (which I wouldn't miss for the world!)
• Thursday night is music rehearsal for church (generally whether I'm playing or not)
• Friday is tidying up the house and preparing for the weekend

The weekend is generally just as busy. Often I'm taking my son to swimming lessons, shopping, or helping my wife catch up on the things that need to be done, etc. Sunday morning is church, and sometimes in the evening as well. The weekend has been good for those catch-up-naps, of late, too.

Now I'm trying not boast here - this is certainly not the quiet, relaxed life I'd like to live. Much of what goes on is necessary to keep us afloat financially, spiritually and emotionally. Circumstances permitting I'd gladly cut the neccessary in half to have more time for what I think would benefit me, and those around me, more. Things like writing, composing, more playing, more talking with people. More time for prayer.

Anyway, the point is that the marginal time is fairly limited. I crave the time on the bus, as that is where I get to read my Bible, or our latest home group study, or the latest book I'm into. Two 30-minute times a day doesn't allow for much reflection, but I certainly know when its missing.

I miss the days when we lived in The Hague. There was this fantastic cafe down the street from us that made its own bread, and on Sundays it served breakfast till 3 in the afternoon! When my wife was away on tour I'd often go down there for a beer with a good book or a good a friend or just to watch people. They used to give free Salsa lessons, and the music and dancing was inspiring. I realise now that it wasn't simply a relaxation time, it was the time I needed to put things in perspective.

You see, I think we need margin time in much the same way we need sleep. The nightly slumber allows our body to refresh itself, to do the repair work it needs to do. Having a nap may help, in that it gives my body a short term boost, but there is nothing like a having a good, solid night's sleep, even a few in a row, to totally refresh and enliven your body. Margin time is the same, I think, but for our minds.

With so much going on in the world, with the advance of media and communications, we're constantly bombarded with information, often whether we like it or not! Can you imagine what it must have been like, even 50 years ago, to not know what was going on in another state, let alone another continent? Today, Australians keep up with American politics like never before. We were all impacted by the Boxing Day tsunami's the very day it happened.

Our minds need time to relax, to refresh itself, and to take in and process all this information. We need margin time, to put things in perspective, think, and adjust what we have just learnt or hes ard. Without this time to let our minds wander and evaluate, to make the necessary connections between differing concepts, we risk running them ragged - letting the constant flow of information never be questioned. We end up letting anything in and become part of us, regardless of what we think about it. In fact, that's the whole point: without margin time, we're not thinking about anything, we're just accepting it!

Romans 12 : 2 (NIV) urges us:

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Or, in The Message:

Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. (Emphasis mine.)

So, this Christmas, take some margin time. Get out of the hubbub, and at least try to get some things in perspective. Perhaps there are things you need to evaluate that you've just been accepting, things that need to find out what God might think of them.

Have a very Merry Christmas.

Leaving...

A short reflection on leaving The Netherlands, now 2 and half years ago

I had never seen her cry, and even now she only teetered on the brink of tears. Although she would not let herself dissolve into emotion here and now, I knew that when we had finally gone through the gates, the good byes said, the prayers and blessings pronounced, as soon as she was comfortably home with her husband, the tears would not stop. I felt honoured; this was the closeness of our friendship. Remembering that day still brings tears to my own eyes.

Click the post title to continue reading...She was my wife’s closest confidant. Their professional careers shared many experiences and qualities. Had my Indonesian wife an English double she might have fooled even me. She was my ministry leader and coach. She was the one who, in the wars of leadership and power struggles, believed and trusted in me. In those tumultuous times we became her sounding board, shoulders to lean on, and close friends. We shared meals, movies and wine together, just to unwind and forget the day. We laughed, drank coffee and talked. Still, I had never seen her cry, and she wouldn’t allow herself to do so in the busy airport corridors.

We lived in The Netherlands for almost seven years. The intended two year stay become just one more; then just one more; then an apartment just outside of Amsterdam; a new church; our first child. We met her at the new church, and over the next three years our friendship grew. Together we struggled through internal wrangling and Dutch bureaucracy. We helped her move house. (Twice!) She met her future husband and married him, and the four of us spent hours together solving the world’s problems. They are God-Parents to our son.

I was unsure about staying permanently; caught between what had become an exciting, adventurous home, and mother country Australia, with family and a language and a people I could at least understand properly. I think I wanted to stay, but it was such a departure from our original plans, I couldn’t bring myself to accept it. When my wife first brought up moving back, my heart raced with anxiety. I was still so unsure. I didn’t know what to do. We prayed.

It would mean leaving this small home, leaving our European Adventure of culture, art and history. We would be going back to a place I wasn’t sure I wanted to return to. The few times we went home for a holiday the extended family dynamics were, at times, rather difficult. We would need somewhere to live. I would need to find a new job. We would need to go Church shopping again. But the hardest pill to swallow was leaving our current church family and friends, particularly these two.

Over the next few months we came to the conclusion that God was asking us to return to Australia. It wasn’t forced, or manipulated, but He knew it was the best thing for us, and we wanted to be obedient to Him. We didn’t like it, we didn’t understand it, but that was the way it was. It was very painful. For three months we met with people to say good bye. We started with the easy ones, those important to us, but not emotionally close. Slowly we worked ourselves to the closest friends, the ones whom it would be most painful to leave.

The last two weeks were hell. Constantly in tears, we were emotionally wrecked and the reality of what was about to happen hung over our heads as a rocky outcrop just waiting to collapse under its own weight. We felt blank, empty, like a bucket with a hole in the bottom, and the last of the water finally, slowly, dripping away. The last dinner, the night before we got on the plane, was with these friends. This is the hardest thing I have ever done, I remember thinking. We cried out to God so many times, wondering what on earth was going on. Why was He asking us to go through so much pain?

It took a month to find a place to live; two months to find a church; three months for my wife to find work, and four months for me. All the while we were only just surviving financially, emotionally, and especially spiritually. We were certainly not living abundantly or prosperously. Each day it was all I could do to turn myself over to God, and to trust that He knew what He was doing. Despite the pain of adjustment I was not going to let myself be overcome by confusion. God was going to stay firmly in my sights, even when work did not materialise for me, when old friendships we counted on evaporated, or when it was hard to adjust to a new church.

And you know what? God did know what He was doing. We’ve been in Australia for two and a half years now, and I cannot begin to describe the work He has done in us. Only He could’ve placed us in an internationally experienced home group, with new friends that understand our pain, and don’t gloss over it or try to fix it. Only God could place us in a house that suits our needs as our family grows. Only He understood that learning to stay close to Him meant we needed to be totally out of depth in every possible way. Only in all that pain could we have possibly learnt just how good God is. It isn’t over yet, not by a long shot. In many ways we’re only just getting on top of things. But God knows what he’s doing, and slowly, He’s teaching us to leave, and to return to Him.

You'll be going to sleep now...

Coming out of anesthesia is not at all like waking up. It seems more of a switch or a toggle than the slow progression of states that greet the very early morning. One moment and you're awake, aware. Hours may have passed but the prior lucidity remains, dulled perhaps, but certainly not clouded over as with sleep. Still, the effects last much longer than any strong coffee can put right, the light-headed swaying softer and subtler than any alcohol could induce.

No, anesthesia is not at all like sleep. It is but a controlled superficial mimic that neither rests, nor, ironically, recuperates.

Do you rest, or do you just go to sleep?

Be a Christian Like Me!

I know I haven't blogged for sometime, and whilst there is good reason (like a new job, a new baby and just plain exhaustion), there is still a lot I want to share. I hope you'll bear with me.
This is something that's been on my mind for a long time - possibly years. I'm not sure of its basis or validity, and would really appreciate feedback. I call it "Be a Christian Like Me" syndrome.

Click the post title to continue reading...
I've been a Christian most of my life. As far back as I can remember I've been attending church, listening to sermons or talks, and thinking about how well they apply. One of the things we used to do as a family was to pick apart my Dad's sermons over Sunday lunch. They were interesting times, and I learnt a lot. Consequently I've come to appreciate solid, biblically based, applicable teaching. It doesn't have to be outright exegesis, but I think any teaching needs to be grounded in scripture as a whole - rather than single verses that support elegant arguments.

And this is where I get unstuck. Lately I've been listing to a lot of different speakers and I wonder how much is really biblically based, and how much is the speaker supporting their own life and walk with the help of scripture. Sometimes sermons seem to come across as, "If you just did this, as I do, you would have a greater understanding of God. Try this out - it works for me - and you'll get closer to God. Be a Christian Like ME!"

Now I don't doubt that God works in and through all of us, and we can certainly share how God has worked in us, and those experiences can certainly be helpful to other Christians. I worry however that too much personal experience as a basis for teaching is harmful. God hasn't called me to be Ian or Brian or Mary or Jane. God has called me to be Phil. Is not my experience and struggles with God worth as much as theirs? I repeat: I can learn from them. I can certainly try on some clothing and see if it fits, but ultimately I have to find God in my life apart from their experiences, and in my own.

The trouble with this is that it gets dangerously close to post modern thinking: My way to God is as valid as your way to God. Don't judge me. Let me find my way. It's this that causes me concern in my own thinking, and I haven't' totally resolved this issue. My pride gets in the way, but at the same time, God is not letting up on this issue within me as well.

In all things I want to honour God. I also want to value people and their experiences, to show them how much God loves them, and how much they are valued by God. He loves you, the man in the back row, as much as he loves those serving at the front. You, faithful attender, are as important to God as those serving in more obvious positions. You, shy teenage girl, wondering where your life will take you, are in God's thoughts as much as the bold, outgoing speaker or leader of your home group.

In our leader-led, out spoken, loudest is best, society, I think the last thing we need to hear is Be a Christian Like Me. Be a Christian like you. Tell me your story, that I may know God better through you.

Catapult Magazine

This was published here, with some additions and alterations.

Wow! Thanks to Kirstin and the gang at Catapult & *cino!

Blessings,

Knowing your Bible

How well do you know the most important book in your life? And why?

Do you know your Bible as well as you want to? If not, why not? If a life choice comes up, can you think back to verses or passages that point you in the right direction? I know I can't, but I think I'm beginning to see the importance of it.

I'm reading a very interesting book at the moment, that my wife gave me for our wedding anniversary: "The Dad in the Mirror", by Patrick Morley and David Delk. Its about being a Christian father, and how to bring up your children to have a real relationship with God, and to follow his was because they want to, not because you force them to. Its about learning to change their heart attitudes, rather than just controlling the behaviour. The premise being that if you can change the thinking, the behaviour will change all on its own.

So, what has this got to do with knowing your bible?

Click the post title to find out...As it happens, its got everything to do with it.

Time and time again Morley and Delk give examples of applying God's word to the training and discipline of children. The provide both theoretical situations, as well as illustrations from their own experience, always correcting and teaching in the light of what God has to say about the issue at hand. Here's an example:

Dad: Eric, did why did you hit Kevin?
Eric: I didn't him that hard
Dad: Eric, why did you hit Kevin?
Eric: I don't know.
Dad: I think you do know. Why did you hit Kevin?
Eric: He wouldn't let go of my Hot Wheels car!
Dad: Were you angry when he wouldn't let go of the car?
Eric: Key is just a cry baby. I hit Tommy twice as hard yesterday, and he hardly cried at all.
Dad: Eric, you angry when he wouldn't let go of the car?
Eric: Yes.
Dad: Why do you think that made you angry?
Eric: Because I wanted the car.
Dad: You thought that if you had the car you would have more fun?
Eric: Yes.
Dad: Son, you wanted to get your own way, and I understand. I feel like that sometimes too. I know it seems as if you feel happier if you get the toy, but do you know what the Bible says?
Eric: What?
Dad: The Bible says that in the end we will be happier if we share. God says that if we are selfish, we will be sad, but if we love him and love our friends, we will be happy. Let's pray right now, and I'm going to ask God to help you believe that.

Ok, so its a bit contrived, and I can't really see myself talking like that to my kids, but the principal of what is going on here is the important part. In other examples the "dad" actually does quote or paraphrase verses and passages. Do I really know what the Bible says well enough to be able to pass that instruction on to my kids?

If I believe that God is the answer, and that the Bible is His Word, then I need to know it. I need to know it backwards, forwards, and inside out. I need to be dealing daily with it - not just reading passages, but thinking about them, understanding what they mean, letting them be applied in my life, and applying them to my kids life. If I don't believe it, then my kids certainly won't believe it. If I don't know it, then I can't teach them, and may even come to see my life as hypocritical.

It all comes back to this: If I love God, and believe in Him, His Word needs to be in my thoughts, on my lips, and in my actions. Only through that relationship with Him can I really bring my kids up to have their own relationship with God, and do what is right in His sight.

I don't know my Bible nearly well enough. Do you?